I had a picture of welch's grape jelly as my phone lock screen for a solid month before the wife asked me about it.

"It's my jam"

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/blahsalot
📅︎ Dec 01 2016
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Dadjoked a friend while opening fruit snacks

I was at my friend's house, opening this bag of Welch's Fruit Snacks.

Me: "Man, this thing is impossible to open. I need some scissors."

Him: "Just use your teeth! They're nature's scissors."

Me: "Yeah, but they just don't quite cut it."

We both realized what I said about 2 seconds later and started laughing.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ May 07 2014
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