Warranted Puns

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

Sorry, officer. They’re all pretty mediocre.

Turns out nobody wants me.

It reads “Small medium at large.”

He said it was a small medium at large.

He was wanted for assault and.... Bat-tery.

Spice

It's a faux pa

Me: "Your first one? Yeah, bullshit."

Him: "No really. My god did I ever look young."

There's a warrant out for his arrest.

I asked her which one... Poison, Stryper, or Warrant. Her eyes rolled. Success!

My wife discovered a tick in our house - likely brought in by the dog after a hike with the family that day. At dinner, it prompted a discussion about the relative risk of Lyme disease and its recent increase in media coverage. My wife made the argument that, while incidents were up, the overall risk is really quite low when you look at actually numbers of incidents. As such, the media coverage is not warranted relative to other safety concerns. My rebuttal:

"Frankly, I think it's about time we had a tick talk"

Warrant-less wiretapping

"Ya know, if they put out a warrant for your arrest for stealing those potatoes you would be on the yam."

It reads “Small medium at large.”

It reads “Small medium at large.”

It reads “Small medium at large.”

It reads “Small medium at large.”

It reads “Small medium at large.”