I told my dad I want to see Spider-Man: Far From Home
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
A friend of mine asked if I want to hear a great Flash impression, And I said yes...
He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
And I said, “That’s Superman…”
“Thanks, man, ” he replied. “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”
I want to die like my grandpa, sleeping peacefully.
Not desperately screaming like the people in the bus he was driving.
It's so cool my daughter wants to be a car mechanic, but I feel I must warn her.
It can be exhausting work.
No joke here. I just want to tell any dads out there that may be struggling to keep your heads up...
When you look down, all you see is defeat.
I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
my 7 year old daughter told me this one. Why didn't the apple want to date the banana?
Because she didn't find him appealing
Want to know why there are so many people in Ireland? 🇮🇪
It's because the capital is always Dublin.
My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly...
A Lawyer says to Mickey Mouse: So it says here that you want to divorce Minnie for being… extremely silly?
Mickey: No I said she was fucking goofy
If 2 vegans want to fight each other....
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem, sir. Today is special.”
Edit: [op] Wow, thanks for the votes & awards!
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
Want to hear a dirty joke?
The white horse fell in the mud puddle.
If you like dad jokes, you might want to check out the new Ghostbusters film, Afterlife…
The main character indulges in “dad jokes,” such as:
What do a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
They both are completely harmless, until you light one on fire and stick it in your mouth.
There’s plenty where that came from.
Friend ask “Want to hear a chemistry joke?”
My wife is trying to convince me to have weird matching Halloween costumes. She wants me to be a deadbolt.
I think she's a little dorky
Want to hear a pun about ghosts?
I’ve decided I want to be a medium for the souls of chickens
Someone needs to help them get to the other side.
A man walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "what do you want?" the man replies, "Oh, just some fruit punch" the bartender sighs and shakes his head, "if you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line."
The man looks around, but there is no punchline.
Why didn’t the tree want to discuss with the lumberjack?
Because it didn’t want to die a log, get it 😂😂😂
And also trees cannot talk
When Santa checks his list, you want to be the 69th kid on the list.
That way it doesn't matter how naughty you were.
If you play guitar and want to know the secret to making it sound better
Whenever Ikea wants to donate something...
...you could say they feel Chair&Table.
There's one thing I want to say to those who don't make a dry bird on Thanksgiving
You're all master basters
Why did 9 want to date 7?
Because 7 always comes after 6
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
This woman walked up to me in a bar. She said, "You know what I want? I want a man that can make jokes about space!"
I said, "You'll meteorite man some day."
How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?
Because they’re always stuffed.
When I die, I want to be cremated.
It’ll be my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
My friend wants to visit Africa
I'm like, sure, we Congo.
What score does a pirate want to shoot on the golf course?
I want to make a joke about being sleep deprived
But I just don’t know the rest
Why didn't the cheese want to get sliced
I want to set up cloning machine in your house too
Do a lot of people want to party with mushrooms?
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.
MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!
What do you call it when you take some roadkill to the airport but you don't want to check it?
A man goes to the doctor and says, "All 5 of my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a really bad case of Parking sons disease."
I want to make a pun about boats but can't think of one.
I got a new girlfriend and I want to make short jokes…
But I’m afraid they’ll just go over her head
Why did Dracula not want to attend the business meeting?
He was afraid of the stakeholders.
What do you call an alligator who wants to be a detective?
I want to write a letter to the World Health Organisation, but I'm a little stuck...
I'm unsure as to whether I should write "To WHO" or "TO WHOM?"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather
Not panicking like his passengers
Do you want to hear a construction joke? ...No? ...
...That's okay, I'm still working on it.
Anyone want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind- it's tearable...
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