Why does Walter complain whenever Jesus is around?
Because Jesus makes Walter whine.
We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
What is the resemblance between canon and cannon?
Mate: Aye, the cannons be ready, Cap'n!
Captain: *are
Text adaptation of this
I wish this was my joke.
What would Walter White be called if he dealt in ketchup instead of meth?
I won’t get to use my water cannon of doom
What kind of work did Humpty Dumpty do?
He worked on Wall Street until the market dropped and he cracked.
Did you hear about the human cannon-ball?
What do you call it when Walter White has a bad trip?
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is
He told me he "saw orange vented".
Did you hear about the poisonings at the Mexican restaurant?
They were serving ricin beans.
Still working on my beef and cream of mushroom cannon
Starting to worry it’s not stroganoff
🤦🏻♂️
Why do cannons always spit out their ammo?
Because if they swallowed, it'd be cannonballism.
During the Olympics, I met a European man holding 2 large sticks.
I asked him "Are you by any chance a pole- vaulter?"
He looked surprised "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name vas Valter?"
How do you call an army unit of babies?
What happened to Napoleon when he got struck by a cannon ball?
My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
If Walter White were a good person...
the TV series would be called Baking Bread.
What do you call someone who was fired from a cannon?
Dad: It sure would be great to be Barbara Walters' husband tonight!
Kids: Why?
Dad: So you can put your glasses on at midnight and hear her say 'I'm Barbara Walters, and this is 20/20!'
The only reason Walter White was so successful is because fortune favors the bald.
My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.
I have had a Canon printer for years.
Did you hear about the French general who used a cannon to start his kitchen remodel?
It was linoleum blownapart
I have a good friend who wears clothes made of nothing but carpet.
What do you call a cannon that eats another cannon
Did you hear they are trying to get Barbara Walters to host the New Years Eve ball drop?
We will bring in the New Year with "I am Barbara Walters and this is 2020"
Pirate Crewmember: “THE CANNONS BE READY, CAPTAIN!”
How did the cannon lose his job?
Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.
Walter White started cooking for Germany, but the quality of his product took a nosedive.
Now he's known as Scheissenberg.
Only a certain caliber of clown gets to be shot from the cannon
Sea Captain
A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.
He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.
((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))
Why did the author write about pirates?
They thought it was cannon to the story.
What should Walter White really have taught as a teacher?
Pi-rate this pun out of 10.
Why does corn curve when you shoot it out of a cannon?
Because of the Corn-iolis Effect
I used to work at a cannon factory...
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
What happened to Napoleon when he got struck by a cannon ball?
My friend just told me that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
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