"For excessive drinking" the officer replies So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
There’s caws for alarm.
It was an unexpected Journey.
To get the moist out of the day.
All the children look at him and asks: are you my mummy?
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
“Because they have no balls to scratch”
Does that make me Captain America?
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
It would be a dream job.
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
Two guys were walking down the street towards one another, the second guy bumps into the first guy and the first guy goes "Ayee, watch it. I'm Walken 'ere" and the second guy goes "oh, sorry Christopher"
Because it was de-livered.
Sometimes, she wakes me up.
You po-po-po-poke her face!
I don’t know what to make of it.
None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.
"Oh, haven't you herd?"
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
I don’t know what to make of it.
Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?
It was There and Beck again.
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
You know, for my morning portie.
The doctor said i know we chopped your arms off.
Ground coffee
At the quack of dawn!
It’s too early in the mourning!
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
He left a trail of deduction in his wake
He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"
Bat: I'M BLIIIIIND
Whilst I was making crumpets it told me to wake up, asked why I don't put on a little makeup, why did I leave the keys upon the table..
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
To get the moist out of the day.
Because they have no balls to scratch!
It was an unexpected Journey.
But most days I let her sleep
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Because she has no balls to scratch
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Dawn is tough on Greece.
But usually I let her sleep.
