Vintage pun from Robert Louis Steventon's "The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde", 1886.

"Β“If he be Mr. Hyde,Β” he had thought, Β“I shall be Mr. Seek.Β”"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WildTurkey81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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Vintage
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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My cousin is trying to fit the most elephants, geese and bulls ever in a vintage music shop.

He's breaking all sorts of records.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.

I need Help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cokedupbunny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I found a vintage radio for sale the other day that was stuck on full volume.

I couldn't turn it down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greenleaf_98
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I discovered eggs Benedict is best served on a vintage hubcap.

Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I never expected the vintage movie I was watching to end with everyone doing a dance popular in the early 60s which is inspired by rock and roll.

It was a twist ending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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My bottle of Chardonnay just spoke to my steak! It said, "you smell great!" The steak responded, saying "you're a great vintage yourself!" The meal was delicious!

I guess the secret to a good meal is pairing food and wine that compliment each other!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Just had some vintage cheese.

It was old but still gouda.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stuliex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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I've had to give up my clock-eating hobby

It's too time consuming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/22mikey1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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My son collects baseball memorabilia, so I got him a vintage Yogi Berra glove for his birthday.

He thought it was fake, but I assured him it's legit a mitt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunnyID
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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My dad scratched the P off of my vintage pokemon card

My first response was β€œokemon”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazuu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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What do you call someone who rides vintage bikes?

A recyclist!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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I bought a vintage WWII watch that had the face destroyed in combat

It’s timeless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbodogx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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β€œI collect vintage time pieces.

When I see one I like at online auction, I put it on my watch list.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/richardec
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2017
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Vintage Burger King Dad Joke youtube.com/watch?v=iYF3B…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duh_bomb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Financial Advice

Even if you can't af-Ford it, Holden onto a vintage car is fun.

(just in case I need to mention it: Ford & Holden are two car manufacturers who've been in Australia for a long time)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilkgr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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My dad retired recently and I called him...

Me: "Hey dad, just wanted to ask.."

Dad: "Can you speak up please?"

Me: "Hey, I just wanted to a.."

Dad: "Speak up, I can't hear you!"

Me: "I JUST WANTED TO ASK IF..."

Dad: "Haha just kidding, this is my answering machine. Please leave a message."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwiynwych
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino?

Elephino

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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Landed this on the 'Genius' in the Apple store...

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smithmf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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