A man fell into a combine harvester while attempting to steal it.

Police say he will be bailed out tomorrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
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Budweiser harvest(?)
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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Why didn’t the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?

It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawdawg_75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn 🌽 but he had no time for me.

β€œSorry, mister,” he said. β€œI’m up to my ears in work.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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What do Germans call the first day of wheat harvest, and also a popular children's game where kids chase each other around a wheat field?

Gluten Tag

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HennyPennyBenny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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Video about harvesting Dill with a dillightful abundance of Dill puns youtu.be/nsdraoTnLcA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonobosbananas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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If there's a harvest moon in October.

Does that make it a Red October?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qoheleth47
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiSatthar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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As a farmer, your tractor dying while harvesting isn't all bad.

You can tell people you are outstanding in your field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsmydouginabox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?

Attract her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digiBeLow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Why isn't cotton ready for harvest in March?

Because it's still Lint!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laringar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What is the motto of people who harvest organs?

We de-liver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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I heard that there’s an Australian tea harvested from the tops of Eucalyptus trees

It’s pretty high koala tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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If there's one thing I know about organ harvesting

it takes guts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumdiLumdi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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I once met a polygamous farmer.

He had a concubine harvester.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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A difficult fruit to harvest, it’s their pincers and Ciderways movement
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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What is the name for the medical procedure in which caviar is harvested?

Sturgery!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zombywoolf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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A jewish pastor becomes a missionary...

...and ends up on the Island of Trid. The people there are starving and explain to the pastor that it’s because whenever they try to harvest the fruit at the top of the mountain, the nasty giant comes out of his cave and boots them all back down the hill. This infuriates the pastor who then declares that tomorrow he will join them on their next attempt. The next day they all march up the mountain together, and sure enough, out comes the giant who proceeds to kick all of the locals back down the hill leaving only the new guy to gather fruit at his leisure. Finally, he stops and asks the giant, β€œWell, aren’t you going to knock me off the mountain?”. Shaking his head, the giant says, β€œSilly rabbi, kicks are for Trids”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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Every year, a local farmer cuts certain parts of his corn crop before harvest for the entertainment of many who like to get lost.

They do their best to navigate that maize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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What's the difference between "organ harvesting" and "organic harvesting?

Oh, .... I see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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What did the farmer say when his grains were harvested?

Sweet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragonslayer2689
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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What do you call a harvest of dad jokes?

A cornycopia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Long, stupid Dad joke

The ancient Greeks greatly feared volcanic explosions from Mt. Olympus, so they developed a tradition of sacrificing young maidens to the Gods on the mountain. Every year they selected five girls, and sacrificed four. Then they assigned the other one to stomp the olive harvest. That’s where we get Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Addama33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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How did my dad respond to the girl i brought home with me who harvests honey?

She’s a keeper!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Why did the farmer forbid his daughter from partaking in the harvest?

She kept wearing crop tops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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How do space farmers harvest their crops?

With a tractor beam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobertigerwoods
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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What did the nervous dad say to his kid trying to harvest honey from an angry hive?

"Just let them bee"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrew_Z
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
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The pollen basket or corbicula is part of the tibia on the hind legs of certain species of bees. They use the structure in harvesting pollen and returning it to the nest or hive.

The bees think that this ability is just the bee's knees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate601
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.

The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KatWayward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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What did the farmer say before quitting?

I have never liked this croppy work environment, but this day's harvest is the final straw!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wkono
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?

That's the harvest part.

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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My brother just dadjoked me

The song playing from my phone said something about growing old and my brother responded with this gem: "You always hear about people growing old, but they never talk about harvesting it."

Needless to say headshakes were had.

EDIT: Spelling.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fhbgds14531
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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My wife showed me a website where you can send your name on a microchip on the Mars 2020 Rover.

I told her I'm glad the rover is not going to Uranus.

Wesbite for those interested in sending their name to Mars and not Uranus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobbanisgod
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Two Farms

There was two farms next to each other, separated by a long fence. The two farmers were called nick and Barry. They were both very resourceful farmers, using each and every square inch of land to grow on. Both would tend to their crops twice a day every single day, and became friends. However, both farmers were penny pinchers, and would often try and take a few extra crops from the other side of the fence, which lead to arguments. One day, Barry came out to tend his crops, but nick did not appear once. This continued for several days. Both sets of crops continued to grow, along and up the fence, eventually intertwining. Both farmers were growing wheat. After around 5 days, Barry came out and to his delight, saw nick tending to his harvest. However, this delight soon changed to frustration as he saw nick taking extra crops from his side. "Where have you been, and what do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. "I'm taking in my wheat, and I haven't been out for a few days due to illness. I've been feeling queasy and dizzy when I stand up, with a throbbing pain in my head each time. But it's ok, they're only headaches." "Oh I don't think so mister" said Barry.

"Those are my grains!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryjrogers20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Dad joked by my science professor

My science professor is in his 50s and he's constantly making dad jokes during his lectures.

Yesterday he was talking about Gregor Mendel. He said every year at Mendel's monastery, they would harvest their fish and have a big fish fry. He went on to say that they eventually got potatoes from other countries and they basically had fish and chips.

He said at one of the fish fries, someone asked Mendel if he was the fish friar.

Mendel replied "No, I'm the chip monk."

Edit: Spelling error.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marshallu2018
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 552
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If you crop an image,

when can you harvest it?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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