Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:

Yeah, I tractor down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierraann0402
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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John Deere salespeople stand behind all of their products.

Except maybe the manure spreader

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I used to Love JCB, John Deere and Massey Ferguson's agricultural vehicles. But now I hate them

I'm an extractor fan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapershackltd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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TIL that John Deere are stopping people from repairing their own tractors

Oh Deere

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
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John went deer hunting but he couldn’t find his doe, so he

Tractor

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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My wife left me for a tractor salesman, and she didn't even tell me in person.

She just wrote me a John Deere letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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Then there was the farmer who got the John Deer letter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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My grandmother was killed when she was hit by a tractor.

Yep, grandma got run over by a John Deere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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When I was younger, my girlfriend ran off with a tractor salesman

A couple of week later she sent me a John Deere letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elucify
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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I fell in love with a tractor salesperson, and I was so happy

but then she sent me a John Deere letter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterSquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra

*What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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A new kind of deer

My dad had just come inside from doing yard work. He says, "I was walking around outside when I saw a snake in the yard, but it was missing both its head and tail and I was wondering what kind of animal would do that. Then I realized it was a deer! ...A John Deere!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Littlereds
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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That may have been the case...

My wife was talking about her mom's car getting hit by a deer.

She said people were making the joke "I hope you got the deer's insurance!"

I said "Maybe they're from New Hampshire if they didn't have insurance."

Our girlfriend piped up and said "Maybe they were a John Doe!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agiganticpanda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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Girlfriend got me with this one yesterday

Her: "Hey look, a deer" Me: "Really? Where?!" Her: "A John Deer!" Me: groan

People probably say it all the time, but she is still laughing about it the next day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/24bones3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2014
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My wife took off with a tractor salesman.

Left me with a John Deere Letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Did you hear about the farmer...

That got the John Deere letter?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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