I know that mensrights doesn't see eye to eye with the people here but I at least thought that they would support male survivors of sexual assault. However, I came across this thread that shows distinctly the opposite: https://archive.ph/cRxaS (obviously, be polite and don't go brigading).
It seems like most of the community would rather victim blame the man instead, which seems hypocritical of what I understood to be the general positions of the mensrights sub. How do we combat this sort of behavior within the men's movement? It seems damaging to the goals that we actually want.
You really can't just tell your story without being told what YOU should've done better or should be doing. I know people mean well but funny they never ask what exactly the abuser did.
I am learning to keep my story to myself because pretty well 99.9% of people you meet irl will not understand or even try to understand. Frankly I think it's because most people don't question things they've gone through and the people who have wronged them and the fact that you are, is a threat to the illusion they've created in their heads about why their situation is ok and not anything like yours. If you get to be salty then why don't they? If you get to walk away from abuse then why don't they? The victim blaming or shaming, I think, is a defense mechanism for them to not question their ties and possibly have to walk away and be alone.
It's really fucking hard to take people seriously irl. Thank God for internet communities like this one.
For context, I'm pretty low contact with my parents and not a single person asks me what happened or why I don't go around EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO GO but these same people are forever ready to remind me that I have a duty as my parents child to visit them even if I can only bear 30 minutes at a time but I should fulfill the duty nonetheless. Yeah ok 🙄
More and more I see people being attacked for making comments that give advice to women in order to reduce their chances of sexual harassment. Of course, context and nuance is important, and if someone said 'well it's her fault for walking home late at night' after someone is attacked, then of course that is victim blaming, and I don't doubt there are people (particularly online) who have made such comments. The issue is that I'm seeing people who offer any form advice to considered victim blamers and ignoring the problem of male violence, and I struggle to see the logic.
If I'm advised to not keep my valuables on display, this does not imply that I am blamed if I don't follow that advice and my phone is stolen. If I'm advised to install a security alarm system for my home, it doesn't imply that I am a fault if I have a home invasion and don't have one. One can give advice on reducing risk, while still blaming the culprit.
Now this post isn't saying that we can't also have discussions about male violence and the dangers this poses to women (or other men in fact) when they are alone. But there isn't a quick solution to this problem, and likely there never will be, as aggression is a natural human trait. People can also take precautionary measures to reduce their risk of being harmed. That would not be needed in the ideal world, but that's the world we live in.
Edit: there are some commenters here are misinterpreting my point, and it's probably my fault for not clarifying: I'm not saying that it's necessarily good or fair advice to tell women to not walk alone at night. I have never advised women to do such a thing personally. I just can't see why such advice could be given and it doesn't necessarily mean the person is victim blaming.
A simple example i found of a kid on the show "killer kids." A 13 year old kid was convicted of murder(later reduced to manslaughter).
The perpetrator (G) was somewhere around 5 ft tall, maybe slightly taller, and less than 100 pounds.
The deceased (J) was 14, 5'10 and 180 pounds. The "victim" had a reputation for being a bully, had recently struck a coach, and regularly got into screaming matches with umpires and authority figures. The incident in question happened within a youth baseball league.
J stepped in front of the other kid in a line, after G pitched in an unexpected loss for his undefeated team. G confronted J, at which point J shoved him to the ground, and taunted him for the loss. G then "snapped." He reached down for his readily accessible bat, hit the larger boy once in the leg, and once in the HEAD.
The second blow burst an artery in the boys neck, and he was not able to recover. Boo fucking hoo. This kid learned his whole life that he could push everyone around as he saw fit, because of his size. I would argue that his size is the equivalent of a deadly weapon, when used against smaller kids, which apparently happened on a regular basis. He was never held accountable for physical assault and infliction of trauma on others. The only way for a kid like G to stand up against him is to use a weapon, because J was the size of a full grown adult.
J would have learned a lesson that day, had he survived. It's very unfortunate that he didn't survive, but he deserved to get whacked with a bat. It was probably a long time coming. Now the younger, smaller kid is serving jail time for protecting himself.
You might say that using a bat in that scenario is escalation, and not self-defense. Maybe. I would argue that without the weapon, standing up to abuse like that is utterly pointless, because he would just get his ass kicked again and again. And he knew that. The only way to win is to escalate, and he actually did the local community of young boys a service by attacking him. The actual death is an unintended, although potentially predictable consequence.
The parents and family of the deceased are on camera talking about their trauma, and their pain. They never verbally attacked the other kid, which is admirable, I guess. They talked about how they never thought he could be in danger at a youth baseball game. He WAS the danger. And that's no way they didn't know it. Getting got was justice. The end result is almost incidental, as crazy
... keep reading on reddit ➡
"Anna has had offers from several siblings to get out. Since she hasn't, she must want to be in the cult"
"I was part of xyz and at 19, I left and haven't spoken to my family since. If I can do it, any of the Duggars can do it."
I've seen these comments on DS. These comments make me so angry because they're so shitty.
"Sally knows she gets cat calls when she dresses a certain way. At this point, it's her fault that it keeps happening to her."
"If I can figure out how to not live in abject poverty and work in retail forever, anyone else could too. People who think burger flippers deserve a living wage are entitled."
Honestly, the second set of comments give me the exact same vibes as the first examples. But am I wrong?
^pls ^go ^ahead ^and ^tell ^me ^if ^you ^think ^I'm ^wrong
The way they talk about other women make me feel like they ate blaming the pickmes because their standards aren't high enough.
I am a woman, FYI. I’ve never understood this. Like, how is suggesting to people to not get wasted because doing so increases your likelihood of sexual assault victim blaming? It’s not saying it’s the victims fault this happened. Just that stats show that being wasted put you at an increased risk for sexual assault and that it’s a good idea to protect yourself. I think that getting wasted is stupid but it’s no one’s fault if they get sexually assaulted, regardless of the alcohol they consumed or didn’t consume. People suggest to others to lock their doors to decrease their risk of being a victim of a robbery and no one calls that victim blaming. So why would my views be considered victim blaming?
I live in one of the most progressive areas in America and there is also a major problem with vehicle break ins. Instead of doing anything about it, I see signs all over the place telling people not to leave anything remotely valuable in sight; signs like "don't tempt theives".
I fail to see how telling women not to walk home at night by themselves drunk is victim blaming, yet this isn't. Also, even doing that doesn't always work; I always say "don't ever assume that anything you have is too worthless for someone to steal". Someone once broke into my friend's 1989 Honda Civic. There was nothing valuable in there, not even the radio which had been stolen earlier.
They totally beat around the bush and avoided saying they were talking about rape allegations. Then Duncan said people are mirrors of their teachers. That his reflection of Chogyam Trungpa is beautiful so he's just going to go with that... Then saying that students shouldn't have rules for spiritual teachers?
WTF am I hearing?!? Am I crazy right now?!! I love Duncan and listen to every podcast. This is really upsetting to me. He is part of the problem. Maybe he should talk to more women and people of color and not just a bunch of old white guys! Maybe then he would have a different perspective.
''Why you just don't leave?''
''You are an adult. They can no longer abuse you''
Financial control. Blocking access to documents and transportation. Hoovering. Making you feel confused (they are nice sometimes and abusive other times). Love bombing.
ADDING
In some countries like mine domestic abuse shelters don't even exist. 50% of the population lives in extreme poverty and finding a job it's hard. And the wages don't even afford rent or food. In addition, narcissistic parents in South America are the norm and ''romantic''. Healthy parents are seen negatively. And American parents are perceived as ''cold''.
Moreover, there's a culture of standing your family to death even if they are abusive and in structural poverty.
Leaving it's 1000x harder than in a civilized society like North America or Western Europe. Poverty's the norm. Abuse it's the norm. And yes, domestic abuse shelters don't exist because the politicians steal from taxes.
There was a guide on r/coolguides that flipped these tips on their head like "if you see a drink, don't spike it" or similar inversions of these tips on the basis that you should not victim blame. But these aren't victim blaming. If you don't lock your door to your house and it gets broken into, it's not your fault. But telling someone to lock their door isn't blaming them. It's just a tip to reduce the chance they get their house broken into. You can't prevent rape or robberies but you can reduce the risk of them. So telling someone to watch their drink or have a friend watch your drink isn't victim blaming. It's just giving people ways to avoid the unsavory situation. If a rapist wants to rape someone, he or she will but you can take actions to increase safety.
Edit: I've seen a lot of context matters replies and I just want to say that the guide I was talking to was implying that a guide on how not to get raped irregardless of timing was victim blaming. Not to mention a lot of people do hold the view that talking about things like not leaving drinks unattended is victim blaming regardless of timing
I have had these thoughts recently, and I would like to know your opinion. Please don't get defensive. It is a different take to this philosophy.
This sub disagrees with those who choose to voluntarily have biological children and then subject them to a lifetime of inevitable suffering.
Is this not the same as a very common argument when it comes to victim blaming for let's say rape: a woman chooses to get drunk and subsequently gets raped. The victim is blamed for the choice of drinking rather than the rapist, who is obviously at fault.
In this way I see a similar parallel in that, those who make the choice to have children are being blamed rather than the problems that cause suffering themselves. Do we believe that people should not have the choice to have children, rather than fixing the "inevitable" problems that cause suffering??
Just like we would want rape culture to be fixed and not control women's choices.
I'm sorry if this is a bad analogy, I hope people understand what I am trying to say.
We have always reiterated na hindi kami nagbigay ng mga information namen kahit saan.
BDO has already issued a statement that this is a sophisticated fraud attack and they are already doing counter-measures. Meaning security breach talaga sya.
Then we have this boomer who is blaming us -- na di daw kame mako-compromise kung di naman namen binigay password namen.
Also, if you want to know the most plausible reason for the hack? Search "log4j vulnerability" in Google. It's one of the worst cybersecurity threat of modern times, actually. You may just haven't heard it.
https://preview.redd.it/gwopxkvdt2581.png?width=1170&format=png&auto=webp&s=0183083ecddb5e33882bd19697c5d143b55bf0c6
