I tried to tell my vaccinated friend a COVID joke.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
From a friend: Krispy Kreme is giving away free donuts if youβre vaccinated.
Why not a cough-fee instead?
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︎ Mar 25 2021
To get an anti-vaxxer's kid vaccinated...
...we could go up to their house, find an open window and vaccinate the kid using a 10 foot syringe.
I know it's a long shot.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
Why do vaccinated kids hate jokes about measles?
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︎ Oct 21 2019
Were you vaccinated with a phonograph needle?
Because it's been 15 minutes and you haven't stopped talking!
(This is a joke my dad said to me last night. He's 85 and in failing health so to hear him crack this joke really made me laugh & smile. Then this morning he called me saying he couldn't sleep last night because he worried the joke offended me. I told him hell no...it was hilarious! I love my dad!)
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︎ Oct 26 2019
The news just commented on the outbreak of measles and those who don't get vaccinated.
Those people make me sick...
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︎ Apr 01 2019
Vaccine puns of mixed quality
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
My vaccine dad joke failed
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I tried to make a joke about vaccines during the trump era
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︎ Mar 13 2021
I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Sagat Tiger
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
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︎ Apr 01 2021
My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.
They call it Modernaty leave.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
My Dad got his Covid vaccine in his leg
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA
Should see it as an opportunity
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︎ Feb 13 2021
After getting my first vaccine I asked the nurse what super power do I get, but she just looked straight through me.
Looks like I might have invisibility!
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Told my kid that I was taking my Mom to a Covid Vaccine event at the convention center.
They said, βOh, a mass shooting.β
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My wife asked, βIf someoneβs body just isnβt fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?β
I told her I think itβs worth a shot
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine
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︎ Mar 24 2021
My friend found out she was pregnant shortly after getting her covid vaccine
I'm calling it the Inoculate Conception
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︎ Mar 30 2021
The Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are based on mRNA.
Could someone say that we're shooting the messenger?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine β8 mileβ
Because you only get one shot.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...
Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Lynn's nurse at the vaccination centre recently qualified for a sport in the Tokyo Olympics. What sport is it?
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︎ Mar 24 2021
The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers
They keep asking for dose dos
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry
While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
This is thanks to their no tears formula.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Chuck Norris didn't have to the the vaccine
COVID had to vaccinate against Chuck Norris
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︎ Mar 16 2021
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
Iβm really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
The power went out when I got my COVID vaccine, and I got lost in the building.
It was a shot in the dark, but I found it!
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Donβt expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Are you gonna get the vaccine?
You should take the plunge, it's your best shot at not getting infected.
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︎ Mar 04 2021
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
I got a fake medical ID made to get the COVID vaccine, but I was rejected
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I'll never vaccinate my kids, that's stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous.
I'd get the doctor to do it.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Scientists in Dublin are assisting in the research for a covid vaccine.
They are known as the Fighting Virish
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Went for my covid vaccine today
The covid tester asked if I had experienced a sudden loss of taste. I said no, I always dress this way
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︎ Feb 03 2021
Johnson and Johnson have announced their new vaccine
it heard its going to be called No More Tiers
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︎ Jan 29 2021
My dad got his first dose of vaccine yesterday, so I asked him, βDid you have any reaction?β
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︎ Feb 07 2021
What do you call a bunch of flies in a vacuum chamber?
Walks.
For those who didn't get it , it's okay , there's no pressure at all !
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︎ Mar 23 2021
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
I was going to tell you a vaccine joke
But some of you wouldn't get it...
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︎ Mar 04 2021
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