I said, "YOO! That's what's up!"
Only my father in law laughed.
He apologized profusely, but I just told him, "You dim sum, you lose some."
It's ill eagle
I said "at least it wasn't a General of Corn". No one laughed except me.
Fiancée: Both the dads will need to wear the same purple tie so that they match at the wedding.
FIL: So we will have to share the same tie?
I said "It's a good job to stick with... Just making a point..."
Snow storm coming soon. SiL: "What should I get at the food store in case the power goes out?"
Dad: "Power Bars!!"
Without skipping a beat!
"Well there is AMC so AMF should be coming up soon"
My brother in law and I were helping my father in law move an old wooden organ.
When we got it on the truck, I asked my father in law what he was planning on doing with it.
My father in law says he isn't sure. Maybe he will donate it.
My brother In law: I guess that would make you an organ donor.
We were getting ready to go hiking around Mt. Rainier, and were hanging out in a large tent my wife's grandparents had set up. Her younger brother tried turning on a light hanging from the ceiling of the tent, but it wasn't plugged in. My Father-in-law looked at him seriously and said "looks like you'll need to plug it in to a currant bush."
Cue groans and eye rolls from everyone. At least I was able to appreciate the beauty of a quick-witted dad joke.
They were gonna use a trailer but their hitch set-up didn't have the right electronics for the trailer lights. They ended up just bringing the couch in the bed of a friend's truck. When they arrived I got my father-in-law with, "Too bad the trailer rental didn't work out, but at least you pulled it off without a hitch." He gave me a groan and pity chuckle.
I like to go to a restaurant and order an egg sandwich and a chicken sandwich and see which one comes out first.
My mother-in-law was in the hospital for a week with spinal meningitis (she's fine now, fully recovered). During this hospitalization, the family cat went missing. While my wife and her father were at the hospital taking care of her mum and helping her get tons of tests done every day, one of my evening responsibilities was to go looking for the dang cat.
One evening towards the end of the week, I was updating them on the cat hunt situation, to which her father replied, "I just don't understand it. We've just been through about 6 CAT scans this week and we still can't find the bloody cat!"
...Groans ensued...
During a lull in conversation, I said "well..." and paused. She quickly interjected "Its a deep subject, don't fall in!"... 3 seconds later... groans all around.
Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week
Me: because she's here at the table with us
Let us not forget on this day in 1485 King Cole (of nursery rhyme fame) made a decree about farming. It seems that the peasants had used too much farmland for cabbages and there was not many other vegetables. The farmers soon got in all their cabbage crops, and had a great abundance. They found if they sliced and shredded the cabbage it took up less space to store. This decree is now known as "Coles law".
So my dad’s recently been diagnosed with cancer and is now beginning chemo. As a result, he’s gonna have a lot of downtime on his hands. So to cheer him up we’ve (my brother-in-law and I) bought 2 folder-style disc cases that can hold up to 10 movies. We want to fill them with the most dad-joke filled, so bad they’re good, absolute cheesy movies out there. This is where r/dadjokes comes in. The two best lists of 10 movies will be chosen to put in the two cases. Help us r/dadjokes. You’re our only hope.
In college I took a business law class from a very conservative and intense professor who intimidated us by calling us out to answer questions randomly.
One day the teacher was discussing Torts and called on me by name and then said, “Give me one type of Tort?”,
“Pop-Tort”. I blurted out.
The room went completely silent as everyone was waiting for the professor to get very upset and then the unimaginable happened. The professor smiled then chuckled and then the class felt free to join in and laugh too.
When asked which law of physics was his favorite, he told us about Cole's law.
Cole's law states that one part cabbage mixed with one part mayonnaise will yield a delicious dish
Discussing electrical current and he introduced us to Kirchhoff's current law.
"This is Kirchhoff's current law. I don't know what his previous law was, but this is the current one."
In my business law class we were discussing this court case. In the case, a woman named Courtney was hitting off the tee box at a country club and sliced the shot off the course. The ball hit a guy who was working on a nearby roof, and gave him permanent brain damage. Our professor then asked us who we thought was responsible for the damages: the golf course, the course designer, or the woman. A student in the back asks "Well what if Courtney was drunk while she was playing" to which our professor responded
"Well then we would just have a classic case of drinking... and driving."
I'm still not sure which was louder, my friend and I bursting out laughing or the collective groan that filled the room.
My brother got married recently. While we were getting dressed in our tuxedos, my dad and my brother's wife's sister's husband, who is a gynecologist, were trying to figure out how to tie my brother's bow tie (the rest of us had clip-ons).
They were watching a video as my gyno-in-law carefully followed along. My dad said, 'It's so complicated. So many folds.' And my brother's wife's sister's husband said, 'good thing I'm a gynecologist'
posted this story as a comment in a recent r/AskReddit post. Thought you'd like it too
My 2 year old son implored my father in law to join him under the table while the rest of us finished our meal. My wife said, "wow, it isn't every day you see a chemistry PhD crawling around under the table."
To which he responded "chemists have been known to periodically go under the table".
I was at my in laws this weekend, and for mother's day my MIL wanted us to go to church with her. I'm not religious, but fine, whatever you want. The problem is that neither my wife or I brought "church clothes," with us for the visit. It was unexpected.
So we're sitting in the church and my wife is talking to her dad.
"Dad, I'm just happy I have a pair of jeans that aren't all ripped up! I didn't plan on this at all!"
"Oh, hunny, don't worry. Any pair of pants would have been holy once you walked in."
Massive grin. Then back to serious, because Jesus, I guess.
...They learned a lot of history about Joseph Smith, who apparently had close to 40 wives. They were telling us this, and my mother-in-law said that he once stated that he "thought no more of taking another wife than buying a cow", to which my wife commented "...Wivestock!"
I love her so much.
Our law fraternity, Phi Alpha Delta is hosting a luncheon with a panel of lawyers today. A friend and I in the frat were talking about what's on the menu, which neither of us knew. Finally, I just said "maybe they'll serve PAD Thai."
Her grimace and groan will fuel my afternoon.
It was a dark and blustery Friday night. My wife and I were doubling with my sister and brother in-law at a delicious BBQ joint. Bro in-law (Jordan) asked us if we were up on the latest celebrity gossip.
Jordan - Did you hear about the actress who killed her husband?!
Us - what? No! Who?
Jordan - Ya! She stabbed him with a knife when he came home. I just can't remember who it was... What was her name?... Reese! Reese something...
Us - Wait! Witherspoon??!
Jordan - No! I just told you. With a knife!
As I was signing the paperwork, the dealer gave me a sheet about the lemon laws.
Dealer: This is to say you know about the lemon laws, so if the car turns out to be a lemon, you can get all your money back.
My dad: It's not a lemon, it's a lime.
Cue me in hysterics while the dealer gave us a very satisfying confused look.
