My university recently won a championship. Undergrads make over sized wooden benches which they will burn in a giant bonfire after winning the championship. Boss: I have always wondered what those benches are for, they really burn them? Coworker: Yes, well they sit on them too. Me: Do they die?!?
A barrage of groans, chuckles, face palms, and eye rolls ensued.
Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity. The pitiful remnant fights for survival in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
A Christmas stalking.
An oldie but goodie. I was getting checked in for a doctor appointment. The young woman asked if she could have my name and date of birth. I replied not unless we get married. She started laughing and said she hadn't heard that one before. I unleashed a couple of other classic dad jokes that I can't recall just now - darned old age - stating that, "Yup. These are the dad jokes they don't get any better." We both had a chuckle and she thanked me for the laughs and went on with her day.
They will unleash it March 14 at exactly 1:59 AM.
He has the power to unleash the quackin
http://imgur.com/t0iHkD0
Edit: I got gold for making someone groan. Thank you so much, I'm now much more motivated to impregnate a woman so I can unleash my terrible jokes on the fruit of my loins.
There we were, sitting by the hearth last night.
Man on the television set: "Vote blue, no matter who."
Mother: "Father, do you think he means our darling pooch"?
Blue: Snoring on the rug, fat and lavish
Me: "Mother, you are a sensational one. Outrageous!"
Mother: With her head tilted back, unleashes a hearty guffaw
I thought you might enjoy this roguish exchange as much as mother and I did 😂😂😂
As I descended down the adjacent, working escalator I noticed the man tapping his screwdriver impatiently at the bottom; looking around as if he were waiting for something. I couldn't resist...
>Me: "Do you have everything you need to fix it?"
>
>Him: "No!" <looking frustrated>
>
>Me: "Well, have you tried escalating?!"
In about half a second the man's face erupted in a smile while he proceeded to laugh so loudly that he startled himself and a woman nearby who gasped, turning to look at him. Somewhere behind me a woman unleashed a loud, "Ha!" as well.
I smiled all the way to my designated boarding gate =D
We're in the middle of moving and i just got my bookshelves all set up. Unfortunately, there isn't enough space in one single room for them all (I've got too many, like addiction level). My wife brings up that the author 'B' section probably has the most books. I'm pretty sure it's 'S' names. Then she unleashes, "That makes sense, because it's just a bunch of b.s." Golf clap.
my girlfriend, her friend, and I were all in a coffee shop doing some studying when she she started thinking. I said something to her friend and after I finished my sentence I was able to unleash this beauty.
Girlfriend: Damn it! I lost my train of thought! Where did it go?
Me: It probably de-railed itself.
I then started to lose it and was hysterically laughing while I received a look of total disappointment.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
