Unaware Puns

In his practice, Dr. Bell sometimes had to treat constipation. That's how he learned to de-deuce.

A Christmas stalking.

Aloof of bread

It's the Pits.

Turned to the wife and said "Do you like what I'm wearing?" (Lulling her into a false sense of security)
She smiles at me, blissfully unaware of my setup and thinking I'm just being cute.
"It's a son-hat." I say with a grin.
The groan she gave me told me I had done well.

... they're just two tired!

A while back there was this lesbian who had a crush on me, and my boyfriend, being the loveable asshole he is, says "she's obviously just not thinking straight"... He was completely unaware so I responded with one word: "Exactly." He had never been more proud.

When I was about 5/6 I was filling out one of those "FunFax" books (Image for reference).

I started filling out the page about me and I got to the section on allergies. Unaware that I had any, I asked my dad "Do I have any allergies?"

My Dad replied "Yeah, soap"

Obviously at the age of 5/6 I didn't realise he was joking, we found the book a few years later to find I actually wrote "Soap" down.

Sitting waiting to pick up my sister from work and she was saying how my dad is not helping with her stress levels specially now that shed been diagnosed with heart issues. I said to her " maybe you should stop taking it to heart so much" completely unaware of it till she gave me a disapproving look

So tonight for dinner, I made a glazed ham. I've been a cook for a few years, so time at home with the wife and kids to cook a good meal is rare.

Well, my wife comes in the kitchen and asks me if I'm going to score the ham (For those unaware, it means to cut lines in it, in order for the glaze to get into the ham and keep it moist while cooking.)

I nodded, picked up my knife, stood over the ham, and as I'm about to cut into it, I yell, "7.5, too much water." Then set the knife down and grinned.

She groaned something fierce, but still loved the dinner.

A while back there was this lesbian who had a crush on me, and my boyfriend, being the loveable asshole he is, says "she's obviously just not thinking straight"... He was completely unaware so I responded with one word: "Exactly." He had never been more proud.