First words of the new year, to my wife, "would you like to start the new year off with a bang?"
People take them for granite.
My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.
Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.
I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”
This is a tankless job.
My cousin's husband made a post on Facebook saying, "Can somebody teach me how to drive a manual?"
I responded, "Well, there's your problem. You're supposed to read the manual, and drive the car."
Crickets.
I was walking in Glasgow waiting to meet my girl and a charity worker stopped me to talk, I read his shirt and it said something about deaf people. So when he started talking and wanted a respsonse I just said "Sorry I couldn't hear you". I was expecting a giggle atleast. Nope, cold stare.
Coworker: They're giving me a table at this important upcoming convention!
Me: I'm not sure what you'd do with a whole table. It's too awkward to carry out the door by yourself.
It was heartbreaking, she was working at her second job. It’s depressing that teachers are so underpaid and unappreciated. So I gave her an extra $50 for the lap dance.
I just haven't had the stomach to try using Dad's own jokes against him and I'm not sure I could even pull it off even though I have 2 kids.
Any great success stories would really help get my confidence up.
Dad and I are walking down the street, a Datsun was parked behind a Celica. Approaching it when...
Dad: Look at that silly car...
Me (unappreciative): Datsun an old joke dad...[smirk growing]
Triumph
I told her "Yes ma'am, the ice is right." Silence. I worked so hard on that joke in my mind, and she didn't get it. My talent is unappreciated.
