Tv Movie Puns

They'd call it a PROP TART!

I went in and asked him do you like it? He says "I haven't eaten it yet" so I point at the TV and say "No I meant that" and he replies "Idk I haven't eaten that either"

Amerkin.

I call it my Tentin' Quarantino.

They’re all pretty brainless.

A Netflexer

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.

Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.

"Daddy, the film is frozen."

I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."

I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.

2:30 (Tooth Hurty)

I suspect I didn't make this up. Heard it SOMEWHERE on a tv show or movie. But I don't recall. Never the less it has been rattling around in my head for a few days now.

My dad used to play a game with me and my brother that was, in effect, an extended dad joke.

The "beginner" version, when I was younger, was when I would be talking about something, my dad would intentionally misinterpret it so that we could correct him. The objective being to keep up the misinterpretation in as long of a chain as possible.

Me: "Dad! Top Gun is on TV!"

Dad: "Doesn't that movie have that whiny folk singer on the radio in it?"

Me: "...No, dad, that's Tom Petty, not Tom Cruise."

Dad: "Oh, I thought he was Rosanne Barr's husband?"

Me: "No, dad, that's Tom Arnold, not Tom Petty."

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..."

Later, once I figured it out, we moved to "advanced mode", where we skip the "correction" and just prove that you catch the reference by making another error in response.

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..." (Arnold Palmer)

Me: "...wait, I thought that was the victim in Twin Peaks?" (Laura Palmer)

Dad: "...no, you're thinking of the lady who was the actress in Jurassic Park." (Laura Dern)

And so on. Did anyone else's dad's do something like this? Or any current dads? I currently play a version of this with my wife where she'll put on the radio and I'll intentionally misinterpret the artist. (Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody is playing, I comment to the effect of "God, I love Styx. Such a great song.")

My dad and I were sitting, watching TV the other night when I scrolled past something about the Titanic movie on my phone. I asked him what he would’ve taken from the Titanic if he were on it and had the chance to escape. Without looking up from his magazine, he just flipped a page and replied with “the iceberg.”

Commercial comes on TV and my dad asks me who that movie is about. I told him that Ice Cube is one of the main characters, and he is played by his son in the movie.

His response: "What's his name? Crushed Ice?"

Watching TV at my parent's house with my wife a couple of weeks ago.

Commercial comes on advertising the Apocalypse now movie, my dad mentions it and then says

Dad: that was a good movie, did you guys ever see it?

Wife: nope, never seen it!

Dad: oh you should watch it, then watch the remake of it they made a few years later, they re-cast the whole movie with only black people. pauses for dramatic moment It's called A-packa-lips-now

Wife: what...

Awkward pause for maybe two seconds, I chuckled, my mom rolled her eyes and then my wife finally got it.

She nearly died laughing

We were sitting together on the couch at work watching TV and the movie said "Fire at will!"

My boss "Yeah, but which one is will?"

I was trying to watch the movie "Frozen" on my tv in my room and it stopped working all of a sudden because of something wrong with my computer. I was frustratedly talking at my tv and I hear my dad from the room next to mine say, "I guess you could say its..... frozen." Yes dad, yes.

My dad and I are watching tv, when a commercial for the Maze Runner movie comes on. While half asleep, he says:

"Does it have anything to do with corn?"

This one requires a little backstory:

There's a cardgame called WHOT! It's just uno but with different shapes. Me and my dad used to play it a lot.

Unfortunately it's led to the same terrible joke being made repeatedly over the last 10 years or so. It goes something like this:

Dad: "You'll never guess what film's on tv tonight."

Me: "What?"

Dad: "No, I don't think they made a movie out of that. It's a card game."

It's literally been going on for over a decade now and it pains me deep inside my soul every time he says it.

Earlier my family was having a conversation about all the movies based on comic books that have been coming out. Later we were watching tv when a trailer for Exodus came on and this exchange happened.

Sister, "See it's not all comic book movies, some are based on the bible too."

Dad chimes in, "The world's first comic book."

Watching Bounce (a tv channel similar to BET) with my dad. I hand the remote to my dad because I'm going up to my room. Dad: what, you don't want to watch the black movie that's about to come on? Me: dad, it's The Hulk Dad: So? It's still about a person of color

this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.

so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.

it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"

instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.

tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"

So we were talking about various old school movies and tv shows.

Husband: Have you ever seen The Great Outdoors?

Me: Only when I look out the window.

BA dum tss.

My mom was controlling the PPV feature on TV and we decided on Divergent. Mom hits purchase movie and a message pops up that says "purchase successful" Dad: "Successful? I thought we were going to watch Divergent"

Watching war movies with my Dad, especially war movies can be a drag sometimes.

For example:

Guy on TV - FIRE AT WILL! Dad - Which one is Will?

Or

If there is supposed to be a large rally or army and there are only a few people there, he will say

"There are literally dozens of them!"

And every time he chuckles to his own jokes.