True Crime Puns

We are finally getting chickens! We are also obsessed with puns and serial killers. Can anyone of the much brighter minds than mine think of any good chicken related/true crime puns?

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

I was having a discussion with my parents about all of the different subjects you can major in at my university. I brought up that one my childhood friends was majoring in Criminology. My mom mentioned that Criminology majors don't make a lot of money out of college. My dad started to chuckle. We all looked at him knowing what was about to happen.
"I guess it's true than." "What?" "Crime doesn't pay." He then proceeded to laugh to himself throughout the rest of dinner.

Me: whats a pirates' favorite letter? Mom: is it arrr? Me: Aye you'd think it'd be arr. but a pirates true love is for the C! Mom: whats a pirate favorite crime? me: is it arrrson? Mom: ayye you'd think it'd be arrrson but it's piracy.

"Hey Robosho, did you know that there was a major crime today in the Central Valley (California, all this part is true). The thieves got away with stealing over 400,000 dollars worth of walnuts"

Then he added, "yea, the cops called it a real nutcase"

And with a huge grin on his face, he ended , "I made that last part up"