I regularly find jokes from this subreddit, write them on sticky notes, and hide them EVERYWHERE whenever I visit my mom. She hates it and loves it, as is the proper response to a dad or uncle joke.
Now she’s coming to me to help me heal from top surgery (Teetus deletus) and I want to terrorize her with more groan-worthy comments.
Any ideas are welcome!!!!!!
(Edit: these jokes are all golden, tysm!!! Also to whoever reported(?) my post to the Reddit Care Resources (no idea that existed), ty for the concern but I’m doing very well! This isn’t a breast cancer or preventative surgery, it’s because I’m trans!! c: it’s a surgery I’ve wanted for years and years. No comfort needed, I’m excited as all hell!)
Number one will shock you
I got top spot.
Well, that escalated quickly!
A high steaks game
It would be peak humour.
Manhattan
I have no idea what he laced them with but I’ve been trippin’ all day!
Number 2 will surprise you!
It's roof, roof, roof all day long.
She turned down the bet. The steaks were too high.
You really gotta hand it to them.
I'm converting it into a high-bread
Jack was amazing at every subject, English, maths, science, history, you name it, he aced it.
He never made a mark below 100, he was valedictorian and spoke in front of the whole school during graduation.
He got countless requests from top-line universities. Such as Harvard, Stanford and Oxford to name a few.
I hadn't seen Jack in a couple years since. When me and my family went to the marine park, we saw Jack working there!
I go "Jack! You had a whole future, career in front of you! You could've cured cancer and many other diseases. You basically threw away your purpose that was put in front of your eyes and face!"
Jack goes, "I don't know, seems like I'm feeding a pretty good porpoise."
Naturally, they named her this year's ballet-dictorian.
It ate the "caret".
What do you call a man injecting filler into his lips? Philips.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack.
What do you call a man in a cooking in a pot? Stew
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bottom? Warren
What do you call a man in the mailbox? Bill
What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob
And his dog in the same ocean with no legs? Bob Barker
What do you call a man without a body, just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a man lying down at your front door? Matt.
What do you call a man in a hole in the yard? Doug
What do you call a man in a small hole, Doug less
What do you call a man in a sink with a speech impediment? Dwayne.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? Russell
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a cafe with cups and saucers on his back? Trey.
What do you call a French man who fights cats? Claude.
What do you call a man hanging on a wall? Art
Just his arms and legs hanging on the wall? Pieces of Art.
What if he also has no tongue? Tasteless Art
What so you call a woman with no arms and legs on the beach? Sandy
When the tide comes in? Sandy Duncan.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs cooking on a grill? Patty
What do you call a woman top of a church tower? Isabelle.
What do you call a man with no shins ? Tony
Because of the pastry-archy!
I guess I'll mullet over.
I'm not willing to put the effort in to find out for myself
Because the steaks were high
Sorry vegans.
I never felt like this before.
till he hears a voice from down the cell block. It says "14" and the whole block cracks up. Then someone shouts "99"and the whole block is cracking up again. So he shakes on his bunk mates top bunk and asks: hey what's that going on out there? He says we've all been in here so long we've got the jokes memorized so all someone has to do is say a number then we get it. He asks cellmate "can I give it a try?" Cell mate says: "sure." He shouts out "33!" And suddenly the whole place goes silent. Nervously he turns to cell mate and asks what happened?"cell make looks down at him and says: "it's all in the delivery."
I was kicked out when I reminded him that people in this country have the right to bare arms.
A flat earther
Scream Cheese.
It was one of those "hip-hop-on, hip-hop-off" tours
archenemy
The doctor called it humerus
It was a stick up
That meant the steaks were just too high for me.
He’s hoping the sheep “graze the roof”
it didn't work-out.
That’s the last time I buy from Little Seizures.
I told him: this is the whey
Cantaloupes
Because he's using high coos.
It was a real highlight of the trip!
Sofishticated.
As they leave the elevator, the one who farted looks at the other and says “I apologize. That was wrong on so many levels.”
