He replies, "Arkansas".
It's called an ice-sickle
They only use oldmatic tools.
He was hauling adze!
In other words, a pedi-file.
It was entirely justified!
So should I call it my step-ladder?
awl for one and one for awl
He said I needed some supervision when working with dangerous tools.
Benadryl
I choose the ladder.
...but it's not my case."
At work, Gary has to cut holes in sheet metal and has to use a de-burring hook to remove the sharp edges of the cutout. He always catches someone with their guard down and ask to borrow their heater. Gary works inside in a warm clean building, so it’s an odd request.
Their head tilts sideways like a confused dog, and they say puzzled “Heater?”.
Gary replies, “Yeah, your de-BUrRRrRR-ing tool” as he crosses his arms and shivers.
My mother just told me she was sending me a sweater made of my grandmother's hair. As if that isn't bothersome enough, she's also sending me the tool used to make it. Evidently, she expects my wife to make one as well, keeping with tradition.
"Mom," I said, "This is so awful. Please don't send me that stuff."
"But Ben," she says, "It's a family hair loom."
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Always use the right tool for the job.
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A hammer is the right tool for any job.
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Anything can be used as a hammer.
I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.
Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.
So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.
C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?
Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to $xxx.xx.
C: Do it
Fuck, he's one of these guys...
Me: Alright then, I just need a name and signature on this disclaimer we have.
At this point, I've taken their phone and am prepping to work on it.
C: Do I have to use my real name?
PAUSE Now, over the 2+ years I've worked here, I have never heard this question. So I was kind of taken by surprise by it. For a minute, I thought he was one of those paranoid people. PLAY
Me: Um.. Well I guess you don't have to. It's preferred since we can look you up in our system faster later.
C: Oh ok.
I turn back around and start to use my tools on the phone when customer guy throws me another curve ball question.
C: Can my daughter still play the piano when this is done?
I manage to turn and see him smirking a little and go back to his serious poker face so I pick up that he's joking.
Me: Well I would hope so. Slight laughter
C: Oh ok great! She's never even touched one before so it's good to hear her skill won't change in the slightest.
I'm on the verge of outright laughing at this point. I manage to hold it back and finish my repair. I snap her grumpy cat case back on, hand her phone back when she mentions the home button isn't working.
Oh that's an easy fix
Me: Ah, don't worry. Give me one second and I'll have that fixed.
C: One. Try it now "Insert girls name"
Me: Haha well I haven't done what I need to yet.
I pull out a giant clear bag half full of spare parts.
**
... keep reading on reddit ➡So a few of us guys and some gals are working at a site for a university show. A couple of the girls wanted to learn how to use power tools, so we taught them. After a few minutes, one of the girls says:
girl: wow this really is a lot of work just for a hole...
to which I reply: THAT'S WHAT IV'E BEEN SAYING!!
everyone laughed, but I sincerely felt bad for that one... thought you guys might get a kick outta it too!
I was doing some wood-burning/pyrography this evening, and my husband was taking a look at the tool I use...
Him: ..So you've got different tips for that?
Me: Yep! The first one is don't touch the hot part.
Discovered this today while hanging a curtain rod.
I am using the zircon one step stud finder, seen here http://m.acehardware.com//product/index.jsp?productId=1298011&KPID=997266&cid=CAPLA:G:Shopping_-Measuring_Tools/Marking_Tools-_New&pla=pla_997266&k_clickid=21a0e1ae-1f94-44cd-b27e-a6a83ba1fdc1
Begin by using the stud finder to locate a stud as normal. Release the button.
Lift the stud finder off the wall slightly and press the button. This will help calibrate the stud finder to "empty space", making it think that any hard surface is a stud.
Quickly place the stud finder on your chest, onto your breastbone, the stud finder should beep indicating it is on a stud.
Make joke as normal
This saves you from making the beep noise yourself, which, in my opinion weakens the joke.
This way the tool itself confirms that you're a stud.
Bought some pizza slices and while I was filling up my drink from the soda fountain, there was a family of four talking about, of all things, medical professions. The daughter at the table said she thought a proctologist was basically a pervert since they'd be focused on butts all day every day.
The mom explained that you wouldn't call a heart surgeon who uses tools to literally crack open a person's chest cavity and muck around with things a serial killer, so why would you call a doctor who specializes in proctology a pervert?
The dad then chimed in "No that's not right... a serial killer is someone who uses Captain Crunch to murder another person!"
Silence at the table, and the daughter groaned rather loudly. I happened to make eye contact with the dad and just smirked and nodded, which made him beam, and walked out the door to hear him say "Right? Right guys?"
Well done, sir.
...my wife and I got into a small argument. I was holding the tool I used to make sure that the pictures were hung correctly so I balanced it on top of her skull and asked her very kindly:
"Babe, you need to be a bit more level-headed about this."
Backstory: So we're in the shed and Dad's showing me all his tools, when he suddenly stops and has a disgusted look on his face.
Dad: Does, does it smell like a hammerdo in here?
Me: Ummm whats a hammerdo?
Dad: Well son, (picks up his hammer) a hammer is used to hit nails on the head!
And of course he laughs like an idiot for the next five minutes...
My sister and I were cleaning our basement to prepare for a party. Half of it is the entertainment center, and the other half is open space. Our dad tends to use it as a workshop when we're not hosting parties.
As we're putting away tools and sweeping up, my sister calls out, "Hey, I found the heavy metal." I thought she meant my CDs.
When I turned around, she was holding a 2"x6" rectangle of metal. And it was heavy.
And I groaned super hard.
Just a few minutes ago, my graphic design professor was demonstrating how to use flash professional to the class. He started to make a shape and says, "so I'm just going to grab the ellipse tool and make a circle. I'm not going to have a stroke, well at least I hope not." classic.
The snacking nut millions around the world is actually pronounced 'amond' and not 'almond'. I found this out recently when visiting family friends who own an amond orchard in CA.
I asked the owner why they are supposed to be called amonds and not almonds and he said it has to do with the harvesting process. See what they do is spread a large tarp out beneath the almond tree. Then they bring in a machine that attaches to the trunk. This machine is very specialized and is designed to create prolonged and intense vibrations, similar to the tool that is used to level/even out concrete. Once the machine is attached to the almond tree it is turned out. The intense vibrations in the trunk lead to the amonds falling out of the tree and onto the tarp. You see, the machine "shook the L out of em!"
a few years ago i was doing a short carpentry course. the instructor was showing off several tools we'd be using and showed us an auger (or-ger).
'oh like shrek' i said
'no... thats an ogre' he replied (oh-ger)
'well yeah but he had a scottish accent didnt he!'
