How much does Jack from the Tim Burton movie weigh?

A Skelling-Ton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kperezrocket
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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A police officer, notorious for bad spelling, is set to interrogate three theives, Tim, Bob, and Joe.

When asked who he thinks will give up the location stolen goods, he replys β€œOnly Time will tell”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StefanE30325i
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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If you have two ducks, and one of them is called Tim, what do you call the other one?

Tim Duck Two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My friend Tim the basketball player is so stubborn!

He's always doing things the Hardaway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FullSass
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What did Tim Cook call his camera?

iBall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_flexy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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I tried watching Edward Scissorhands earlier. Turned out it was just a video of Tim Burton getting his hair done.

I then realised I'd picked up the director's cut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Tim worked in a brewery until one day he was fired without notice....

So he went to his boss's office and said, Budweiser?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freewillson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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I asked Tim Cook what he is cooking right now

An apple pie off course!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NitroBlueGem
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Is Tim McGraw a Christian?

I wish he’d share his Faith with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_jake_kemp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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If tiny Tim was Canadian, what would his name be?

Timbit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoungJimLahey
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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A newsletter from our local MP in West Melbourne, Tim Watts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontdousernanes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Magic Johnson is the best porn name of all Tim enjoy affiliated with the industry
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ-Fein
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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What is an agent who works for Starbucks & Tim Hortons called?

A double-double agent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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'Right Place, Wrong Tim' - starring Asa Butterfield, in a pun filled, horror comedy set in a 90s clock shop youtube.com/watch?v=f-jsf…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mc_jakie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Tim: What should we call these wooden beams?

Jim: How about Jimber?

Tim: I’ve got a better idea...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ksloop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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10 Minutes of Puns: Tim Vine - One Night Stand youtube.com/watch?v=00dFz…
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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I haven't seen him much but I thought /r/puns would like to have The Punslinger, Tim Vine, on here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peter_L_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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First Tim SALMON, and now Mike TROUT?

Is this a baseball game, or a Long John Silvers?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/svenguillotien
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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What is Tim Burton's favourite measurement?

Johnny Depth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fman7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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Tim Hortons, you so punny
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamer6663
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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Tim Hortons employees are probably tired of this dad joke

> Dad: Can I get a large green tea, nothing in it? > > Cashier: You want one large green tea, black? > > Dad: No, I want it green! > > Cashier: [...]

Of course then he starts laughing his ass off, while she forces a smile and quickly tries to get away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattJokir
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
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Friend: "Why did Tim Kaine name his son Woody?" Friend's dad: "Why woody not?"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MandyAlwaysKnows
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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Ten solid minutes of dad jokes courtesy of the great Tim Vine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00dFzPbzOws

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-tibbs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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The funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Fringe by Tim Vine.

I've decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paula_sutton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
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Tim Burton and Helen Bonham Carter split up after 13 years

You could say their love life at the moment is truley a nightmare before christmas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hxctemplar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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Quote from Tug McGraw, baseball hall-of-famer and father of country singer Tim McGraw

A reporter once asked Tug if he preferred playing on grass or Astroturf

Tug's response: "I don't know, I've never smoked Astroturf"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/za1reeka
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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Tim Duncan dadjokes national television after winning the Finals

"It's been fifteen years since you won your first championship, what is the biggest difference between then and now?"

"15 years probably"

Tim Duncan's the man Basing this off of memory, don't remember word for word actually

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leviiii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
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You know what they say about Tiny Tim the speed-walking ant, eh?

He's going places.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
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Tim Vine on Live at the Apollo youtube.com/watch?v=VPaZf…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eoin_McLove
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2011
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Come on, step right up, and Guess Who Tim Horton Hears! Tim Horton's Hears A Who? Oh, I'm sorry, but you're wrong.

Tim Horton's should play music by The Who and The Guess Who. Whenever someone is asked "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", especially to younger people that don't listen to classic rock, they might not know. You can tell them, in a real coy (not Real McCoy) manner, that it is what Horton hears in the Dr. Seuss books. If they guess correctly, they could win a prize. If not, tell them either to really "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", and see if they catch on.

*The idea for this is from listening to all the times my dad would make us Guess Who was playing the song in the car or he would say Who is playing this song right now and we would guess incorrectly until we caught on. It's a long running dad joke, so you better catch it before it takes off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackPurity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
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I nominate Tim Vine as our patron saint. youtube.com/watch?v=00dFz…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ayedfy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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I'm really surprised that Tim Vine isn't a dad. youtube.com/watch?v=QZJyu…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letshaveawank
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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Tim Vine is a standup comedian that tells almost exclusively dad jokes.

If you'd like to watch a video of him, here's one, or you could watch him on youtube.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DulceyDooner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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Is Tim McGraw a Christian?

If so, I wish he’d share his Faith with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozencody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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Is this where we talk about Tim Kaine?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PantsB
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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