I can tell just by looking at them
There is a national coin shortage, after all.
But I think they are on the way out.
See?
Stay-at-home dad
It’s Lit.
But Mac sales have been going up!
The tracker says it's 'out for delivery'
My wife: Guess it was a Memorial Day for hotdogs then.
I guess you could say it's a dying art.
If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.
"I dunno. I've never seen herbivore!"
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
I don’t understand? Why is it such a hot topic?
My reply without missing a beat — you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.
And then get jailed for 12 months just for a man's laughter.
You could say it's gone viral.
I know my wife loves a boo-K.
He's deaf.
I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead.
We take formica for granite!
They have an irideSCENT
I think he's going through a midlife crisis.
He advised "lever".
They are just trying to be edgy.
People must be dying to get in there
I was floored when I found out.
But thats a story for another time.
Back in my day we had to watch our AD in 480i
He frowned a little.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Huh?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"I don't understand. Explain?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
He sighed loudly.
"Are you crazy, dad?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked.
There was a pause.
"Anything these days," I continued.
At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!"
There was a silence.
"This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."
Area 15
One blink and they’ve gone pasteurise.
I guess it's a hot issue.
I can't post a picture so here
Also, I know this isn't really a joke post, so I'll just put one here.
Where do horses live?
In a neeeeeeighborhood!
People just aren’t raisin them right 🍇
My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.
"Thank you daddy, in spanish"
I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.
They really need a spokes man
Hum-ble Rap.
One blink and they are pasteurize
I tell them only the walk-in models.
It’s no coincidence.
so don't order yours well done.
There's so much competition from uberdermists and lyftdermists.
"In that case," I replied, "I'll take the left one."
Her: How bad is it?
Me: How bad is what?
Always use condiments
Looking at you, Bill Gates
Even derricks are hooked up
...of letters.
I’ll just show myself out.
I don’t know why they all want to dye.
They were washingtons.
The only thing up I see are the prices.
Me: "So what you're saying is, you're having some trouble with naan-conformity?"
but i for one, ii for two
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping ever since!
Especially Gooey Bechamel
^joke
Because it is Tweetable.
when almost all the states are connected like a big jigsaw puzzle.
You know, they have apse for that.
that you cant even shoot a congressman without hitting a lobbyist
.....I worried that I might be hobosexual.
It started off pretty innocently. I was at work doing work stuff (I'm an apprentice boilermaker if you want to know) and came up with this...
Q. How did the bacon get to hospital? A. In the HAMbulance.
Kinda just snowballed from there...
Q. How did the sheep get to hospital? A. In the RAMbulance.
Q. How did the oyster get to hospital? A. In the CLAMbulance.
Q. How did the marmalade get to the hospital? A. In the JAMbulance.
I decided to post my hilarity on Facebook, and my brother in law dropped this one:
Q. How did the martial artist get to hospital? A. In the JEANCLAUDEVANDAMMEbulance.
And my sister chimed in too:
Q. How did the Beaver get to hospital? A. In the DAMbulance.
The next thing I knew, it just wouldn't stop...THEY JUST KEPT COMING OUT OF MY BRAIN!
Q. How did the sweet potato get to hospital? A. In the YAMbulance.
Q. How did the Indian get to hospital? A. In the PAPADAMbulance.
Q. How did the other Indian get to hospital? A. In the WIGWAMbulance.
Q. How did the insomniac get to hospital? A. In the DIAZAPAMbulance.
Q. How did the baby get to hospital? A. In the PRAMbulance.
Q. How did The Flash get to hospital? A. In the SHAZAMbulance.
I went to bed around 8.30pm. NO SLEEP FOR ME, MORE DAD JOKES TO THINK ABOUT!
Q. How did Sean Penn get to the hospital? A. In the IAMSAMbulance.
Q. How did Dr Suess get to the hospital? A. In the SAMIAMbulance.
Q. How did the exhibitionist get to hospital? A. In the WEBCAMbulance.
Q. How did the 80's pop stars get to hospital? A. In the WHAMbulance.
Q. How did the air hostess get to hospital? A. In the PAN-AMbulance.
Q. How did the POW get to hospital? A. In the VIETNAMbulance.
I'm pretty much spent at this point, but thought I would share with you guys. Maybe you've got more of your own to add?
What do you call three rabbits in a row hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do you call a camel with no hump?
Humphrey.
Love ya dad.
I can tell just by looking at them
I can tell just by looking at them.
I am unsure what they are laced with... but I have been trippin' ever since.
