Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.
They’re at mass.
That Garfield needs to learn how to think about more than just himself and his next plate of lasagna.
It’s the weekend immune system.
He is a bad mother.
When you get to the obituaries pause and say "hmm" like you see something interesting.
Wife or kids will say "what?" and you say "they all died in alphabetical order!"
It gets better after the 5th or 20th time.
Because the rest of the days are weakdays! I’ll see myself out now
Pork pork pork!
I replied, "More like he'll be trippin' the way I see it."
Is a Satur-day.
a weeee-kend
Because there's over a thousand degrees.
Everybody around me heard that and groaned. The guy in front of me stared back like, "you've gotta be kidding me"
The following is my conversation through texts with him at 3:30 today.
Me: What's the address for the Xmas party.
Dad: Don't know I'll have to ask your mother
Me: What time is it?
Dad: 3:36 pm
Me: 3:36? Why not 3:37 or you know 3:35? Or even better... 3:30?
Dad: Cuz it's 3:39 right now
Me: ... What time is the party
Dad: oh you wanted to know what time the party is.
Me: ...
Dad: 3 pm.
Had me and my friends laughing so hard.
Because it's the weekend.
I didn't make a Peep.
There was a lot of mass.
It's got a great start but quite a weekend.
A critical mash.
Me: "Hey Dad, what's in the box?"
Dad: "That box? Nah that's just a box of trash! I found it on the side of the road!"
Me: "Really! C'mon Dad, whatcha get?"
Dad: "I'm telling you, it's a box of trash!"
My dad has never failed to use this line any time he gets that mysterious white box of baked goods (be it crumb cake, donuts, or cinnamon buns), and it's never failed to make me run immediately to the box to see what was really in it.
One of the students asked, "Which lesson manual will we be learning from?"
To which I responded, "EMMANUEL, amrite?"
blank stares
You'd think the ground would know that by now.
My dad and I were talking about how some people find team names like the Chiefs and Redskins offensive. Out of respect for these people, he started referring to KC as the "Kansas City Executives." Took me a minute to get it. Very funny dad.
Dad: You hear it took the Clemson team 8 hours to get home last night?
Me: Why? was traffic that bad?
Dad: They had to go real slow since they didnt want another turnover.
(For those that didnt see that game, Clemson had 6-7 turnovers)
All the other days are just weak-days
