The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
I exercise by running up the street and knocking on all the doors....
What do you call an ex pimp who lives on the streets?
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false salaam.
A magician was walking down the street
Then he turned into a shop.
Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar.
The prosthetics store down the street ran out of stock...
Things are really getting out of hand...
A guy stopped me in the street the other day to ask why I was carrying a 9ft book.
I said "It's a long story".
The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.
He's going to learn how to count or spell.
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
I was asked who my favorite vampire is. I said “the muppet from Sesame Street”
They told me “he doesn’t count!”. I replied “I assure you he does”.
I was walking down the street and ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.
Two pretzels are walking down the street
When one is suddenly assaulted
Last light I seen a drunk couple weaving all over the street
I thought ‘honestly, get a loom’.
A man is walking down the street
when he notices a hot, busty woman on the sidewalk. He approaches her and says, "I'll give you a thousand dollars if you let me bite your nipples." Naturally the woman was reluctant, but concluding that she really needed the money, she agreed. So they go into an alley, she lifts up her shirt and unhooks her bra. He proceeds to bury his face in her breasts, moving and shaking his head. After a full minute of this, she says, "Well? Aren't you going to bite them?" He walks away, saying, "Nah... that's too expensive."
What do you call a drunk person staggering along a street on their way home trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement?
A man is walking down the street holding a bag of pasta upside down...
And then the penne dropped.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why did the tree cross the street?
They were opening a new branch on the other side
A magician was walking down the street, and then he turned into a grocery store.
It was quite the amazing trick.
When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?
They will both insist that you “pick a cod”
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k,256k, 512k and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions
He only lives a stone's throw away
A man was walking g down the street...
When out of nowhere, he gets hit by a car and flipped over. A woman came running over as he was lying on the sidewalk, takes off her jacket and slides it u der his head.
"Are you comfortable?" The woman asked
"Meh, I make a living." He replied.
A guy sees a pirate walking down the street with a steering wheel in his pants...
He yells, hey! Hey, pirate! There's a steering wheel in your pants! Pirate says, Aarr, I know! It's driving me nuts!
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:
I found myself bereft at the chaos that run through the winding streets of China town. The horror
My mom always told me to watch before i cross the street...
Why did she always want me to check the time?
A magician was driving down the street
and then he turned into a driveway.
Be very careful out on the streets...
Because yesterday at around 7:30 pm a clown who was wearing a colourful sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors and stared at me. Luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper, he would have won
Why did the dish washer cross the street?
There was a fork in the road.
There is a new drug on the streets called Jesus Christ...
Ya, most users are taking the Lord's name in vein.
Two butts are walking down the street and one farts
- "You took words right out of my mouth" says the other
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
What State Has The Most Streets?
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
One day, two peanuts were walking down the street.
I walked down this street where the houses were numbered, 64K, 128K, 256K, and 1MB
That was a trip down memory lane.
Did you guys hear the one about the two peanuts walking down the street?
One of them was a salted.
A magician was driving down the street when BOOM!
He turned into a driveway.
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