My mates got cross with me for going on and on about how fun it is to drive stick. They suggested changing the subject.
I told them that I would shift as best I could...
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
Caught my kids throwing sticks of butter up in the air in our backyard.
They said they wanted to see butterflies!
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick
She still isn't talking to me
They rescheduled the quarterly pogo stick competition.
They had to wait for the he spring.
I work for the Marvel Comics Fairy Agency making magic sticks.
I'm a part of the WANDaVision.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
WD40 could be called "Lubrican", but the name won't stick.
Why did the little walnut stick money to his feet?
Because he really wanted to be a cash-shoe.
The second meme I've ever made. Not sure if I should stick with it.
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
Why do beginner artist always forget to draw the stick figure’s thumb when they draw a fist?
They forgot the punchline
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet
He was looking for Pooh
Old I know...
What’s the difference between a piano, tuna, and a glue stick?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna
***Credit to my physics teacher for this joke
Why did the bank hire a dog that collects sticks?
They needed a new branch manager.
What’s the difference between a fish, a piano, and a stick of glue?
You can’t tuna fish!
“What about the glue?”
I knew you’d get stuck on that!
Can't believe someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick...
Seriously, how low can you go?
The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.
It was a giant missed stake.
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
I was reminded of the time’s when I was a child the other day. My dad is to stick us in tires and roll us down the hills in the back yard....
Those were the GOODYEARS.
To the person who stole my selfie stick...
...You need to take a long look at yourself.
I can't believe somebody had the nerve to break into my house and steal my limbo stick.
I mean seriously, how low can you go?
People usually say, “let’s blow this popsicle stand,” when they are at a place where people are cold and have the proverbial, “stick up their ass.”
The Wood Glue I just bought doesn't stick.
I guess I got the wouldn't glue instead.
I'm trying to stick to the six feet of separation guidelines...
...but my wife refuses to sleep on the couch.
Did you hear about the measuring stick that was king of an island?
You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
My daughter had to stick her hand in a sack to try to guess the type of material by touch...
I once tried to drive my Toyota Corolla with a stick shift on the Autobahn, but German authorities flagged me down and informed me that was illegal...
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...
If she bites you, she's a female.
Why did the hungry snowboarder stick a hand warmer in his pants?
He was craving a hot pocket.
Why does the guitarist for Megadeth always carry a tide stick?
The inventor of the USB stick has sadly died.
His life was over in a flash.
If you zip-tie a stick to a ladder the ladder becomes sticky
Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'
"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."
Well, the new year is upon us and that means I have to stick spigots in all my red and black maple trees...
The task always saps my strength.
Someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick
Like Seriously, how low can you go?
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
To the person who stole my selfie stick,..
I hope you’re taking a long look at yourself.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano and a glue stick?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
If you need to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, make sure they’re the same...
Then you’ll have a match...
To the person who stole my selfie stick..
I hope you are taking a long hard look at yourself.
If you need to start a fire by rubbing sticks together, make sure they are the same.
Then you'll have a match.
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