Jokes about bipedalism are the best jokes to tell on stage.

They form the basis of standup comedy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agsederq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

β€œYes” β€œOui” β€œSí” β€œJa”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?

LED Zeppelin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?

Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.

All I see are male in ballots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaRage83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.

This is because of a-coo-sticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What is the quickest stage of the Tour de France

No time Toulouse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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The 5 stages of butter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkingamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Did you here? They made a stage production of the dictionary.

It was a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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What happened to the cobra comedian when it bombed on stage?

It got hissed off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...

"Icing"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.

It was a running gag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peteman22
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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The three stages of man:
  1. He believes in Santa.

  2. He doesn't believe in Santa.

  3. He is Santa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.

The reason is a coo sticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlosMingos22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:

"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaaaaaaaaaake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Why was the guitarist embarrassed on stage?

She lost her G- string.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WebWheat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...

"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Shakespeare's "all the world's a stage was an inside joke

Because he literally had a theater built for his plays called the Globe theater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nrgdragon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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My dad told me this: A Spanish magician went up on stage he said to the crowd I am gonna disappear on the count of 3, Uno, Dos then he disappeared without a trace
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KirbyThings
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I'll be performing on stage after the band Viagra Boys

That's a hard act to follow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Whatβ€˜s the first stage of grief and loss in Egypt?

The Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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When I realized how terrible the play was, I quietly resigned from my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I went to a concert last night and the musicians were bouncing around the stage like crazy.

Turns out they were an elastic band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vrnate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I knew a lead actor who really did "break a leg" when he slipped off the stage during his performance.

He had a really great cast.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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I told my wife, β€œThe first stage of grief is guilt.”

She said, β€œIsn’t it denial?”

Me: No, not for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Why did everyone think the pasta was a good stage actor?

Because he Rig-a Tony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theinfinitejaguar
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Did you know that in the last stages of a Terminator's lifetime it becomes so weak that it is only capable of killing small animals?

At that point it is fired and becomes an ex-Terminator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/muriken_egel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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I’m going to finance a theatrical production performed on a stage covered in pages from the dictionary.

It will be a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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If Yoda went on stage to introduce the band β€œGuess Who,” the audience would be so confused.

He’d come to the microphone and simply say β€œGuess Who, this is”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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A magician walks into a stage, he says β€œFor this joke, I will make the punchline disappear!!!”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushWaffle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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I got booted off stage at a Karaoke bar. I was trying to sing 'Danger Zone' from that Top Gun movie. I forgot the lyrics three times.

They said I exceeded my Loggins attempts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slartibartfastBB
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? " reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Picard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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My friend and I went to the new stage production of β€œWords.” The production had many jokes, puns, and comedic lines. At the end, my friend asked me for an explanation because he didn’t get the humor.

I told him it was a play on β€œWords.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPlay3r13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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When the Offspring play live they all perform on a partitioned stage...

Cause, "You gotta keep 'em separated!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterManiacal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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Why was the boy band booed off the stage?

Because they weren't NSYNC.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dimensionsstudio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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Egyptians aren't very good at getting through the stages of grief

They always swim in denial

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on stage with the band?

Mic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.

As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Why did everyone at the music festival run towards the stage, even when it was on fire?

Because the music was so lit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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What's the stage of grief that Egyptians are most known for?

De-Nile

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Partly electrocuted on stage, her diminished muscle control meant the orchestra had to figure some things out for themselves. What was she?

A semiconductor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2016
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The rapper Ice Cube has gotten diagnosed with stage 1 cancer..

He's terminally chill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gladizh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Citizen Kane is considered one of the greatest movies of all time largely for it's cinematography. One scene in particular is famous for it's "floor shot" for which they had to literally dig a pit in the middle of the stage to acheive the correct perspective.

It was groundbreaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BottleSSBM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
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Why did the cyclops get booed off stage?

She used bad one-eye liners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celeriss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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The three stages of dad...
  1. He believes in Santa.

  2. He doesn't believe in Santa.

  3. He is Santa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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