Jokes about bipedalism are the best jokes to tell on stage.
They form the basis of standup comedy.
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.
All I see are male in ballots.
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
What is the quickest stage of the Tour de France
Did you here? They made a stage production of the dictionary.
What happened to the cobra comedian when it bombed on stage?
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.
The three stages of man:
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He believes in Santa.
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He doesn't believe in Santa.
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He is Santa.
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.
The reason is a coo sticks.
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
Why was the guitarist embarrassed on stage?
After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...
"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."
Shakespeare's "all the world's a stage was an inside joke
Because he literally had a theater built for his plays called the Globe theater.
My dad told me this: A Spanish magician went up on stage he said to the crowd I am gonna disappear on the count of 3, Uno, Dos then he disappeared without a trace
I'll be performing on stage after the band Viagra Boys
That's a hard act to follow
What‘s the first stage of grief and loss in Egypt?
When I realized how terrible the play was, I quietly resigned from my job as a stage designer.
I left without making a scene.
I went to a concert last night and the musicians were bouncing around the stage like crazy.
Turns out they were an elastic band.
I knew a lead actor who really did "break a leg" when he slipped off the stage during his performance.
He had a really great cast.
I told my wife, “The first stage of grief is guilt.”
She said, “Isn’t it denial?”
Me: No, not for me.
Why did everyone think the pasta was a good stage actor?
Did you know that in the last stages of a Terminator's lifetime it becomes so weak that it is only capable of killing small animals?
At that point it is fired and becomes an ex-Terminator.
I’m going to finance a theatrical production performed on a stage covered in pages from the dictionary.
It will be a play on words.
If Yoda went on stage to introduce the band “Guess Who,” the audience would be so confused.
He’d come to the microphone and simply say “Guess Who, this is”
A magician walks into a stage, he says “For this joke, I will make the punchline disappear!!!”
I got booted off stage at a Karaoke bar. I was trying to sing 'Danger Zone' from that Top Gun movie. I forgot the lyrics three times.
They said I exceeded my Loggins attempts.
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
My friend and I went to the new stage production of “Words.” The production had many jokes, puns, and comedic lines. At the end, my friend asked me for an explanation because he didn’t get the humor.
I told him it was a play on “Words.”
When the Offspring play live they all perform on a partitioned stage...
Cause, "You gotta keep 'em separated!"
Why was the boy band booed off the stage?
Because they weren't NSYNC.
Egyptians aren't very good at getting through the stages of grief
They always swim in denial
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on stage with the band?
When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.
As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees
Why did everyone at the music festival run towards the stage, even when it was on fire?
Because the music was so lit
What's the stage of grief that Egyptians are most known for?
Partly electrocuted on stage, her diminished muscle control meant the orchestra had to figure some things out for themselves. What was she?
The rapper Ice Cube has gotten diagnosed with stage 1 cancer..
Citizen Kane is considered one of the greatest movies of all time largely for it's cinematography. One scene in particular is famous for it's "floor shot" for which they had to literally dig a pit in the middle of the stage to acheive the correct perspective.
Why did the cyclops get booed off stage?
She used bad one-eye liners.
The three stages of dad...
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He believes in Santa.
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He doesn't believe in Santa.
-
He is Santa.
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