Why did the pilot get sent to his room
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
What kind of pizza did the pilot prefer?
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?
He said he prefers bi-planes
What did the fawning plane propeller say to the pilot once they had landed?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?
Joke my 4 year old came up with. What did one pilot say to the other?
Who’s flying this thing?!
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
What did the pilot say when a group of birds crashed on his plane?
[On an aeroplane] Pilot: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air.
Me, to my wife: Holy cow! There’s no way this plane has 15,000 people!
I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn't pass any proper training
The pilot says that we're 30,000 feet in the air. I disagree.
There's no way there's 15,000 people on board.
What does the Cessna pilot say when you ask him to fly across the Atlantic?
Did you hear about the paraplegic pilot?
Yeah he's Wheely good at flying.
Thigh slaps
Why can’t the Dutch be pilots?
What is the difference between a pilot and a large pizza
One can afford to feed a family of four
Do they call the first episode of a show the pilot to see if it will take off?
What breakfast did pilots of the German Airforce eat during WWII
Why did the pilot blush?
Because he saw the airstrip
Did you hear about the show that got cancelled after the pilot episode?
I guess it never took off
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
Pilot comes on the intercom following a very bumpy landing
“Sorry about that folks. Not my fault, it’s the asphalts”
The moment you find out you need 20:20 vision to be a pilot...
What did the terrorist say to the pilot with chapped lips?
What did the pilot say to the Xerox machine?
Why did the judge deny the drunk pilot's request for bail?
Because he posed a significant flight risk!
I was on a date in a helicopter and the pilot turns and says to me,
"Be careful what you do back there, you could catch a VEN-AERIAL disease!"
Southwest stewardess just dropped this: "That landing wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the first captains fault...."
Did you hear about the pilot that quit his job?
Yeah, he said it was just getting to be a plane in the ass.
Just took a long flight. The pilot was rude and sarcastic the entire time.
He really needed an attitude adjustment.
Before attacking the alien spaceship in Independence Day the General tells his pilots to fire at will.
You could say that the prodigy pilot...
really soared to the top of his class.
Did you hear about the pilot who aced his final exams in college?
Why was the U.S. Fighter pilot shot down at 12:00 AM?
His wing man told him the enemy was at 1 o'clock.
What was the airline pilot's favorite type of yogurt?
What does the RCAF call their best pilots?
Frank and the Pilot's Hat.
The last few weeks have involved my grandmas senile boyfriend moving back to his kids' house while she deals with some medical issues. His kids happen to live on a ranch, so he's helping them out with the critters while he's there. While helping him move in, my dad finds a straw hat out on the porch. So my dad tells him
"Hey Frank, I found you a pilots hat."
To which the innocently senile Frank replies "A pilots hat? What do you suppose I'd do with that?
Dad replies "When you see some shit, you pile it"
Pilot : Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air
Me to my wife : Holy Cow ! There's no way this plane has 15,000 !
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