The judge in my case issued a gag order.
I said "I'm not much of a comedian, but I'll give it a try..."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 07 2023
The judge threw out the case of the crazed Axeman cutting legs off
The victims didn't have a leg to stand on
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 19 2023
What does the judge like to put in their drink?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Mar 08 2023
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 15 2023
Judge: "Please spell your first name for the recorder"
Me: " 'A', 'L', 'F',......'A', 'R', 'T',.....'F', 'R', 'E', 'D' "
Judge: "Your first name is 'Alfartfred'?"
Me: "No sir, it's pronounced "Alfred". The fart is silent."
I know, this one stinks.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Sep 28 2022
Please donβt judge me for being aroused during the funeral
π︎ 69
π
︎ Nov 19 2022
I went to court and the judge laughed at me.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 02 2023
All crime should be punished, no exceptions. That is why I called the cops on my cat after she gave birth to kittens. Now donβt judge me for doing what had to be done, we all know
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 31 2022
I met a judge the other day. I asked him where he eats his lunch.
He said at the food court.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 14 2023
what did the judge say to the dentist?
do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 27 2022
A judge is deciding who to sentence for the death of a matador.
The bull's in his court now.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 26 2022
Did you hear about the judge that was addicted to trials?
He told me he could acquit at any time.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 27 2022
Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?
Too much of a fright risk.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 04 2023
A judge orders Mario to pay $10,000. Mario asks why? The judge says βItβs a fineβ
Mario looks down and replies βNo, itsa notβ
π︎ 275
π
︎ Jul 03 2022
I went two court and told the judge I had two wives. He gave me a nice compliment.
He said that was big o' me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 03 2023
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 20 2022
Why did the thief get kicked out of Judge Judy's courtroom?
He was trying to steal the show.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 08 2022
My son asked me to judge his dives into the pool.
Guilty, not guilt, then I declared a mistrial.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 18 2022
Did you hear the judge declined to charge the mail lady with fraud?
He letter get away with it.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 27 2022
What's the difference between a court judge and a beauty contest judge?
One's a moderator, the other's a model rater.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 04 2022
Which princess would make the best judge?
Snow White... she's the fairest of them all
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 16 2022
What did the judge say to the kid trying to enter the pants wetting contest?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 30 2022
The Russian soldiers begged the Ukranian judge not to send them to prison...
The judge replied "Crimea River"
π︎ 68
π
︎ May 11 2022
Did you hear about the judge with no fingers?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 16 2022
Why did the English major become a judge?
He wanted to sentence people.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 26 2022
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in the divorce court. "Mickey", the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane", exclaims Mickey.
"I said she was fucking Goofy."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 13 2022
A young woman was charged with murdering her husband with guitars from his private collection. βFirst offender?β the judge asked at her arraignment.
βNo, your honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender.β
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jun 15 2022
What do you call the judge who was admitted to the psych ward ?
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 15 2022
Did you hear about the judge placing lawbreakers into a beekeeping program?
Itβs teaching them to be well behived.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 05 2022
Did you hear about the English teacher who became a judge?
She was famous for giving out short sentences.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 12 2022
After Boris Becker got sentenced to 2 1/2 years yesterday he asked the judge how many months that was.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 30 2022
Did you hear about the judge who ordered coffee to be served only in 32 ounce mugs?
Those failing to comply were charged with Contempt of Quart.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 05 2021
Donβt judge a meal by the look of the first course.
Itβs very souperficial.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 27 2021
Why did the Judge send the fungus to jail?
She decided there wasnβt mushroom in society for a repeat Cremini-l offender
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 14 2021
As the judge of this piano recital, only I know what is perfect.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 10 2022
The judge at my divorce court hearing said he's thinking about giving my ex $500.00 a week.
I said that's really nice of you your honor. Maybe I can kick in a couple of bucks myself.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 29 2021
Judge threw the book at her
π︎ 255
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Did you hear about the judge who showed up to court without his shirt, pants, or socks on?
They call him Justice Shoes...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 21 2021
I made the Judge laugh so hard
I was guilty of Mans laughter.
π︎ 79
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
π︎ 482
π
︎ Aug 23 2021
A woman was accused of assaulting her husband with his own guitars when she found out he was cheating on her. The judge asked her, βfirst offender?β
She replied, βno, first a Gibson, then a Fenderβ.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 26 2021
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. βFirst offender?β the judge asked.
βNoβ she replied. βFirst a Gibson , then a Fenderβ
π︎ 364
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jun 12 2021
Know what the judge said to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 06 2021
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