It would be the cat's meow.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a printout. The vet took the paper, handed it to the woman and said' "Here, the bill is $1500."
"$1500!" the woman exclaimed. "How much for the rest of the duck?"
A man walks up to his cat.
The man says, "meow."
The cat says, "where?"
The vet says, “What seems to be the problem?”
The cat says, “Meow.”
The vet says, “Okay, where?”
The cat looks at the man and says "Meow". The man looks at the cat and says "I know, that's why we're here".
Traveling in the car with the family, my daughter points out a billboard with a cat sporting a mustache.
Me: "You mean a meow-stache?" (ok, lame, but still...)
[whole family groans]
My son: "They should have used a cow. Then it would have been a moo-stache."
[and a proud little tear fell from my eye...]
A hitman dog walks up to a cat. The dog says to the cat. Meows your time.
All I could think was, "You've cat to be kitten me right meow." I'm torn on how I feel about her... I wish I could retract what she did but there's no point getting clawed up in the negative emotions.
Dad: Do you know why your cat is meowing?
Me: Because he wants you to open the door, so he can get in.
Dad: No, because he is a cat.
As out cat sad meowing at out dinner table my wife looked at me and said "I hate when she does that its like my biggest pet, peeve" the she started giggling. It makes me proud to know she's ready for our baby to be here in a few weeks.
My youngest daughter had a developmental disability as a toddler. As a result, she was very withdrawn and functionally mute until the age of four. I made up a joke and taught it to her in an attempt to get her to open up a little. It worked.
Me: What does the dog say?
Her: Woof!
Me: What does the cat say?
Her: Meow!
Me: What does the cow say?
Her: Eat More Chikin!
Thanks, Chik-Fil-A, for helping to bring my baby girl out of her shell.
We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.
Mild Spoilers
There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.
End Mild Spoilers
She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"
You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.
The doctor says, "Okay, well have a seat." He then walks out of the room for a moment and comes back with a Labrador Retriever. The dog sniffs him a bit, then the doctor walks him back out of the room with his tail wagging. A couple minutes pass, and the doctor comes back with a cat. He rubs the cat all over the man until it meows, then takes it back out of the room. The doctor then returns and says, "Well, you seem fine to me. That'll be $1000." The man, flabbergasted, yells, "$1000?! There wasn't even anything wrong with me!" The doctor replies, "Well it rounds out to that between the lab work and the cat scan..."
My girlfriend and I were in the vet's office when she mentioned seeing a cat in the middle of the road that had been struck by a car earlier that day. We had both seen it and she said that there needed to be a moment of silence for the fallen kitty.
I said, "more like a meowment of silence..."
She called me an idiot as I laughed for a good minute or so.
Hear a squeak
Me: Did the cat just meow?
Roommate: I think it was a dog.
Me: One of the dogs meowed?!
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."
