I hear they're re-opening the investigation into the Black Dahlia murder
The lead investigator was asked if it would be difficult to solve and he said "You don't know the half of it!"
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
Did you hear? An attempted murder was foiled due to the assailant's severe grain allergy.
The killer was found, dead to rice.
What's the best way to prevent a murder?
There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?
No, he covered his tracks.
(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)
A man was murdered in the middle-east yesterday
What do the Black Eyed Peas sing when they make honey?
Why does the pig that dresses in black never get bullied?
Because Batman always protects goth-ham
Black holes are the biggest mass murderers
The Black Eyed Peas were formerly know as The Peas.
That was before they met Chuck Norris.
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.
The police think it's race-related.
Have you heard the one about the magician with the black eye?
His doc said not to worry, it was just an optical contusion.
Did you hear about the potsticker that went on a murder rampage?
It was an act of wonton violence.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
Why did the black widow wear a disguise?
Sherlock and Watson arrived on the scene of a murder and the only clue was a measuring tape pulled out to exactly 12 inches.
Apparently something was afoot.
I’ve been watching the John Wayne Gacy documentary series on Peacock. Really creepy and fascinating. Surprisingly, despite being a cannibal murderer, he was a stickler for etiquette.
Anyone who arrived late to one of his dinner parties received a cold shoulder.
What do you call Pikachu when he joined the Black Lives Matter movement?
My bedroom window is East facing so I bought black out curtains to keep the sunlight out.
The difference is like night and day.
Hey Dad, what is that black sticky stuff in the small jars called?
I don't know son, but your ma might.
Stolen from: Dad Jokes
For the charge of murder, the judge only gave Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci community service
because they were goodfellas
The convict was charged with first degree murder
I’m not sure why, but there must be a reason behind it.
Did you hear about the guy who murdered Cap'n, Tony and Sam?
He's this country's most notorious cereal killer
Did you hear about the lettuce farmer who was murdered on his way to the farmers' market?
They found his romaines at the scene of the crime.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record
I watched one of those really good black and white movies the other day
Interracial porn is great
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
What’s the most effective way to write a murder mystery?
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
How did the detective figure out who the engineer murdered?
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, it’s black and white.
The Nietzsche from The Black Lagoon.
I find I can carry large sacks of dahlia tubers with ease, although the eerie glow they emit is somewhat offputting.
They must be light bulbs!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The black eyed peas can sing us a really good song...
but the chickpeas can only hummus one.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song but...
the Chick Peas can only humm us one!
The black eyed peas can sing us a tune
But the chick peas can only hummus one
The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song...
But the Chickpeas can only hummus a tune.
The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song
but the chick peas can only hummus one
Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was.
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