Thanksgiver Puns

But I'm sure more may flower in time.

I want to impress someone

My Aunt with half a plate left: I don't think I can eat anymore, this meat is just not appealing to me.

Me: Have a potato, it has a peal.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

There suspected FOWL play

Grandma: So what did you do to your turkey? Was it mexican? My Mom: No we tried a cajun sauce this time Grandma: What makes it Cajun? Me: It’s Thanksgiving so its a special oh-cajun

Yourewelcomegiving

But I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey

...it's time to quit cold turkey.

Dad: Hi thankful, I’m dad.

My family tells me that after two weeks, I have to quit cold Turkey.

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.

In the dictionary.

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

I didn't use the 12 steps, I quit cold turkey.

Pumpkin π.

I’m going cold turkey.

They hate it when you have a beef with them. And last year they seemed offended when I gave them the bird.

Double Stuffed

You Butterball-ieve it!

It can get re-heated the next day as well

The main dish will be Lambchop seasoned with Red Hot Chili Peppers & Salt-n-Pepa.

Accompanied by the side dishes: The Cranberries, Korn, and Black Eyed Peas.

And for dessert we'll have Vanilla Ice..Cream..Cake.

They are just a bunch of tomfoolery.

I'm quitting cold-turkey.

Jeffery Dahmer

Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?

So why am I the only one passing out pieces of paper saying Thanks?

You know..Turkey.. stuffing... Cranberries..and Masked Potatoes.

Thank you, next

It was a JIVE turkey!

No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!

I just need to quit cold turkey.

He's the lead roll.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

A turkey 🦃 happy thanksgiving

It was too stuffed to say anything.

I’m quitting cold turkey.

I had to quit cold turkey.

...but I just couldn't quit cold turkey.

Even though I quit cold turkey

But then I quit cold turkey.

He quit cold turkey.