Elevators terrify me

I'm taking steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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What's red, black and terrifies women?

Me, in my lucky red and black cape.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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Why does the thought of working out terrifies me

Because of the dreadmill!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🀩

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopass_voice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? Aw hell no

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifeislikeadick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Why is water sometimes calm and peaceful, and others it's a terrifying tidal wave?

It can't help itself- its dipolar.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perigeesus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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The alphabet is terrifying. A bee sea? No thanks I’m good.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sadchowmrade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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If you think T-Rex is terrifying, you should see the amped up version.

Coffee-Rex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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I’m terrified of elevators

Just thinking about them elevates my blood pressure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MET121212
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I'm terrified of 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amolium
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.

After all, all psychos have a silent p.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alleyooptojames
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, β€œyou will die in 10 days.” I replied, β€œwho are you??”

He said, β€œI hate to be the bear of bad news.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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That would be terrifying
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowsGirl9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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If you’re terrified of escalators,

You should take steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood!!

I come from a long line of fathers...

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I'm terrified of random letters

me: i'm terrified of random letters

therapist: you are?

me: [screams]

therapist: oh i see

me: [screaming intensifies]

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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I was terrified by the results of my blood test

But my doctor just said B positive

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmlrmlchess
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Terrifying Train Trip
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKRagan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 365
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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β€œI am irrationally terrified of letters,” my patient told me.

β€œAre you?” I asked. My patent screamed. β€œOhh, I see,” I said. He screamed even louder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aleccV
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!

Oh you are? I see. Why?

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?

Enough drumsticks for everybody.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Me: Honey, I'm terrified of vowels. Wife: Ummm, why?

Me: Only sometimes.

πŸ‘︎ 363
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatTave
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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My dog was terrified to see the vet again after his first visit

I guess he had no balls.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymirza
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Bump…

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I have no idea why, but I'm absolutely terrified of pi...

My wife says my fear's irrational.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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It must be terrifying to have the last name Hall this season.

Everyone's out there trying to Deck the Halls.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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Do you even know how terrifying the alfabet is.

A bee sea. I’ll pass

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/totaljerkhulk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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"Don't touch" has to be one of the most terrifying things to read in Braille
πŸ‘︎ 562
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coleslaw840
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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What is the most terrifying song to legos?

"I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabrielc0208
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Me: I'm terrified of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: Tell me why?

Me: screams

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kato_rin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I am terrified of elevators

I will start taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterArsonal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I'm terrified of elevators

I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mai_Yuuzu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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The alphabet is terrifying

A bee sea? No fucking thank you

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ansie0607
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The alphabet is terrifying

A bee sea? No thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiJao97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I am terrified of elevators.

I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 729
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hfarrands
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: I'm terrified of random letters.

Therapist: you are?

Me: [Screams]

Therapist: I see

πŸ‘︎ 364
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I am terrified of elevators.

I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm terrified of elevators and....

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 250
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeOfTheMemes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm terrified of elevators

So I'm taking steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Book779
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Terrified of Random Letters

Me: I'm terrified of random letters.

Therapist: Are you?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: Oh I see.

Me: [screaming intensifies]

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Namnrocinu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I am terrified of elevators....

I am going to start taking steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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