I'm taking steps to avoid them
Me, in my lucky red and black cape.
Because of the dreadmill!
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
A bee sea? Aw hell no
It can't help itself- its dipolar.
Coffee-Rex
Just thinking about them elevates my blood pressure
After all, all psychos have a silent p.
He said, “I hate to be the bear of bad news.”
You should take steps to avoid them
I come from a long line of fathers...
me: i'm terrified of random letters
therapist: you are?
me: [screams]
therapist: oh i see
me: [screaming intensifies]
But my doctor just said B positive
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
“Are you?” I asked. My patent screamed. “Ohh, I see,” I said. He screamed even louder.
Rüdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rüdoff det røde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, Rüdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rüdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
Rüdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
Oh you are? I see. Why?
Enough drumsticks for everybody.
Me: Only sometimes.
I guess he had no balls.
Bump…
Bump…
Bump…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.
Faster…
Faster…
FASTER…
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!
And…
The coffin stops….
My wife says my fear's irrational.
Everyone's out there trying to Deck the Halls.
A bee sea. I’ll pass
"I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline
Therapist: Tell me why?
Me: screams
I will start taking steps to avoid them.
I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
A bee sea? No fucking thank you
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
A bee sea? No thank you!
Therapist: you are?
Me: [Screams]
Therapist: I see
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
I'm taking steps to avoid them.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
A bee sea? No thank you.
So I'm taking steps to avoid them
Me: I'm terrified of random letters.
Therapist: Are you?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
