I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
A bee sea? Aw hell no
It can't help itself- its dipolar.
Coffee-Rex
Because of the dreadmill!
Just thinking about them elevates my blood pressure
After all, all psychos have a silent p.
He said, “I hate to be the bear of bad news.”
You should take steps to avoid them
I come from a long line of fathers...
me: i'm terrified of random letters
therapist: you are?
me: [screams]
therapist: oh i see
me: [screaming intensifies]
Enough drumsticks for everybody.
They must be claw straw phobic.
But my doctor just said B positive
“Are you?” I asked. My patent screamed. “Ohh, I see,” I said. He screamed even louder.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
Bump…
Bump…
Bump…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.
Faster…
Faster…
FASTER…
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!
And…
The coffin stops….
Oh you are? I see. Why?
Me: Only sometimes.
Dad works from home now.
I guess he had no balls.
My wife says my fear's irrational.
Everyone's out there trying to Deck the Halls.
A bee sea. I’ll pass
"I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline
I will start taking steps to avoid them.
I'm taking steps to avoid them
I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
A bee sea? No fucking thank you
A bee sea? No thank you!
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Therapist: you are?
Me: [Screams]
Therapist: I see
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
I'm taking steps to avoid them.
A bee sea? No thank you.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
So I'm taking steps to avoid them
Me: I'm terrified of random letters.
Therapist: Are you?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
It's a bee sea
I'm terrified of elevators and I'm taking steps to avoid them
