Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".

I was dazed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaylicious17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to play the triangle in a Reggae band but I left though

It was just one ting after another.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebellionRob75
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I walked 5 Miles
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A man awoke in a hospital bed after a brutal accident. He shouted β€œdoctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor replied β€œI know you can’t, I’ve cut off your armsβ€œ

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cumfathercam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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The last drone strike was brutal

They stopped working for a month

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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What kind of tea hits the hardest
          Reality
πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onion-volcano
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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What a brutal landing
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poppamunz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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The number-one-selling brand of tea among US police officers is called β€œTally”

Police brew Tally tea.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skepticCanary
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Police brutality post ends up in a charged debate.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djmerl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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Made a brutal dad joke while texting a girl.

http://i.imgur.com/xe2QUub.png

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SelfPlugDave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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My sniper instructor is brutally honest

A real straight shooter

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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So, this is the end.

I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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You gotta caes-ar the moment
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_second_choice
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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I heard the police raided my neighbors house on suspicion of a brutal murder...

... When they charged into the bathroom they found Head and Shoulders.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHattGuy
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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Mac and cheese.
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackhawk_pilot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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(Maybe kinda sorta potential spoiler) Game of Thrones ending was brutal last night...

...I keep hearing him scream...Oberyn Oberyn over again...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/panzergling
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2014
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Not so much a Dd joke, more a Grand-Dad joke.

When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.

After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".

He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.

Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaptainOats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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Did you hear about the man who was beaten with stringed instruments?

It was a brutal act of violins.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer win a Nobel Prize?

Because he stole it from the physicist he just brutally killed with a shovel.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sthymia20
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a half-sister.

Shark attacks are brutal.

πŸ‘︎ 248
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youessbee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
When our first child was on the way, my wife told the doctor in maternity β€œWe’d’ve been here sooner if my husband could drive better”

And I said, β€œHoney, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”

There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report
3 year old daughter had a joke at my expense

She tooted at the breakfast table and I told her to say "excuse me", and she did.

Then she says, "when you toot at the table you have to say 'excuse everybody'

Brutal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juksayer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked by my mom...

I took a bite out of some brittle that my mom had just bought...

Mom: That new brittle really gets stuck in your teeth doesn't it.

Me: Yeah it's brutal

Mom: No...It's brittle!

Dropped my head and let out a huge sigh...didn't see it coming

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourplus1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
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My dad on law school

Dad: Did you have your test today?

Me: Yup, evidence. It was brutal.

Dad: Bummer. "Evidently" it wasn't your favorite subject.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrimsonYllek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report

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