It really annoyed my sister.
I was dazed.
It was just one ting after another.
The doctor replied “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms“
They stopped working for a month
Police brew Tally tea.
http://i.imgur.com/xe2QUub.png
A real straight shooter
I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."
... When they charged into the bathroom they found Head and Shoulders.
...I keep hearing him scream...Oberyn Oberyn over again...
When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.
After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".
He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.
Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.
It was a brutal act of violins.
Because he stole it from the physicist he just brutally killed with a shovel.
And I said, “Honey, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”
There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,
For reference: Link to wiki
Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:
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Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."
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Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."
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Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".
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Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."
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A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".
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Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."
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A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."
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A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."
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A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."
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Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."
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A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".
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In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".
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Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"
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Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."
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The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"
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An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"
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An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"
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Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"
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A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"
Sorry about the possible typos.
She tooted at the breakfast table and I told her to say "excuse me", and she did.
Then she says, "when you toot at the table you have to say 'excuse everybody'
Brutal.
I took a bite out of some brittle that my mom had just bought...
Mom: That new brittle really gets stuck in your teeth doesn't it.
Me: Yeah it's brutal
Mom: No...It's brittle!
Dropped my head and let out a huge sigh...didn't see it coming
Dad: Did you have your test today?
Me: Yup, evidence. It was brutal.
Dad: Bummer. "Evidently" it wasn't your favorite subject.
