My mom was telling puns at dinner
My dad responded: alright punny, that's enough. It's my turn.
The groan from everyone was like an earthquake
What to you call a gentleman with bad hygiene that loves to tell puns?
I heard my friends dad likes to tell puns
You can't tell puns to a kleptomaniac...
They take things literally.
(Free irony included, this joke is shamelessly stolen)
I really enjoy telling puns.....
That is just how eye roll.
I went to a dadjoke contest, but the crowd turned on me when I started telling puns...
I guess you could say there were some punintended consequences.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
What's the best kind of jokes to tell while on quarantine?
I tell myself take nothing for granite and be a little Boulder everyday.
I was going to tell you a joke about a herd of cows...
But it's pasture bed time.
My wife left me for a tractor salesman, and she didn't even tell me in person.
She just wrote me a John Deere letter.
I want to tell a vaccine joke
My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me...
so I guess that means I’m not actually their sun.
People tell me I should learn to change a tire.
But I'm pretty comfortable with my wardrobe.
My dad constantly tells me I'll never amount to anything because I always procrastinate.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
What do you call it when one German WWII soldier lies to you, then another, then two lie to you, then three tell you a lie, then five lie to you, then eight, then thirteen....
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
If you tell dad jokes but you’re not a father...
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?
He wanted to grow a power plant
Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond
https://preview.redd.it/vtdt7snrx6271.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02206bbcb186832a7f67d4ab7e481eee1f7fc92b
You know I was gonna tell a joke about time travel
But you guys didn’t like it very much
I was going to tell a joke about stormtroopers
But I worry it would be a miss
sometimes i tell Dad jokes..
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
Have you ever noticed that people get SUPER offended if they have to tell them they have to wait their turn for Vietnamese food?
I mean, pho queue, people.
What does mexican son tell his father before going to a university abroad?
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
Please tell me the most obscure dad joke in your repertoire
I wanted to tell you a construction joke
But I’m still working on it
I asked my daughter if she had taken a bath yet and sarcastically she says yeah, so I tell her to take another one.
A dating profile said “Tell me you’re vaccinated”
So my first message to her was “You’re vaccinated.”
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
I’ll tell you what! Today I’m constipated…
…and I don’t give a crap!
I tried to tell a joke about a guillotine
I didn't execute it properly
I was going to tell you a joke about scoliosis
People don't believe me when I tell them I died a while ago
How can you tell if a bird ith married?
Look for the wedding wing.
How can you tell if a leprechaun likes your joke?
He’s Dublin clover with laughter.
I could tell you a Covid joke...
But it would take 3 days for you to get it.
I know I tell a lot of knock knock jokes
I'd tell yous all a joke about a wall
However none of you would get over it.
kleptomaniacs and dadjokes
Q: Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?
A: They always take things literally.
I don't often tell dad jokes.
But when I do, he laughs.
I was gonna tell a time travelling joke
but you guys didnt like it
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