Just talked to my dad about the gif on the front page of the cop tackling the gunman and his hostage

i said "yeah the cop was on the roof and tackled the guy, it seemed intense." My dad says "it wasn't outside?" I said "uh...well yeah he was on a roof and jumped down." He says back "but I thought you said it was in tents?" I let out the biggest groan as he starts giggling like a school girl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/landophant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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You'd think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.

Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sordidnoose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Friend of mine at work won a fishing pole and tackle box at the Christmas party.

He drives a mustang and was trying to figure out how to get it in his car.

Friend: β€œHow do I get this thing in my car? It’s almost as tall as I am!”

Me: β€œGuess you’re just gonna have to angle it.”

Friend and everyone in a 30 foot radius: -groan and facepalm-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Give me antagonizing Fish puns

I'm looking for fish puns you would annoy the person who's unwillingly going on a fishing trip with you (it's for a fictional project) Would appreciate the help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediPecanPie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?

Tentacles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunnyStryder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said β€œId rather lift it”

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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I'll do algebra, tackle geometry, maybe even a little calculus...

But graphing is where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radxwolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
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β€œHow do we tackle this problem” asks the teacher

β€œAround the legs with your head out of the way” says the student.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gummy1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Did you hear about the octopus that played football?

He had ten-tackles!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I like to tackle all of my neck problems...

head on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Norminator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said β€œneigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightingale102
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"

A teacher tackled him after the first G

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Dad, I'm jacker.

Hi Jacker, I'm [muffled sounds as TSA agent tackles dad]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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A squid seaman cried helplessly:

"I've lost my ten tackles!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Srayel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Brother: "Why do we have a mouse-shaped fishing lure?"

Me: "So you can catch a catfish."

We were using my late dad's tackle box from the 90's. Only logical explanation is that I was controlled by his spirit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessBukowski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Do you know why an octopus is so good at American Football?

It gets ten tackles a play.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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So I was getting gas today..

And I saw a woman smoking while she was fueling. I'm sitting there in dismay when I look over at another pump and see two cops leaning against their car eating hotdogs.

I start giving them this look of "don't you see this? Are you going to do anything?" they seemed unconcerned.

Just as I look back to the woman, I see her arm had caught fire and she's freaking out, flaling her arm around trying to put it out. Suddenly the cops tackle her, putting out the fire and then they arrest her.

I asked them "well, why the hell are you arresting her for? Isn't getting burned bad enough? One of the cops just looked at me and said

"She was waving around a firearm! "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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A football player went fishing the other day

But he forgot to bring his tackle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zebbyd5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Challenge - What are punny names for businesses?

Slogan optional!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rottadinger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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Why do fishermen always play football?

They've got the best tackle in the world!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreativeBrain10
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Somebody asked me to draw a football for them

So I took a tackle at it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VladimirPutinIV
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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At work, stocking bread

Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: "Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xibalba0130
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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Girlfriend just got me with this one

Me (talking about mowing the lawn): Alright I'm gonna tackle the lawn soon!

GF: I really don't think tackling it is going to cut it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cijip
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
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As a lifelong fly fisherman....

As a lifelong fly fisherman, I have traveled the world's best rivers and seen tackle stores carry a lot of stuff, but the ones in China really have it all. I picked up a new rod, new waders, a new tackle box and plenty of line, and at the end the owner asked me if I want fries with that!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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I think this is a dad joke

I'm a dad and I like telling it, so I guess that's qualification enough. I heard this joke about 26 years ago, and I still laugh at it. Slightly long, so don't hate me.

A guy that lives alone decided that he wanted to get a pet. He went to a pet store in his city to see what was available. The man tells the associate at the store that he wants a pet, but he doesn't want an "ordinary" pet like a cat or dog, he wants something unique. The associate asks the man if he by chance has a swimming pool at his house, and the man replies that he indeed does have a pool. The associate says, "Great! I've got just the pet for you. Actually it is two pets -- two beautiful porpoises. And these aren't ordinary porpoises, either. They will never die, but there is one small catch. To keep them alive, once a year at noon on July 1, you have to feed each one of them an immature sea gull, before the birds have learned to fly." The associate tells the man that he shouldn't worry about the annual feeding, though, because the associate will always make sure he has two birds available for the man every year on July 1.

The man buys the pets, fills his swimming pool with salt water, and really enjoys the companionship of the porpoises throughout the year. On June 30, the man calls the pet store to make sure the two birds are available, and sure enough they are. The next day, he goes to the pet store at 10 a.m. to purchase the birds, and while he is inside the store he hears a lot of commotion coming from just outside the store. He goes to the front of the store to see what's going on outside, and he finds that there is a huge, ferocious lion trying to get into the store through the front door. Luckily, the door swings outward from the store, so the lion can't get it open. The police call the store associate to tell him what has happened. The main attraction (the lion) from the state zoo just up the road from the store had escaped, and the lion could sense all the small animals that were inside the pet store, so he was trying to get into the store to eat them. The police are waiting for the zoo's lion tamer to show up and get the animal back into captivity.

Meanwhile, the man who was at the store to buy the birds to feed to his pets was getting really anxious. He was trapped inside the store, there was no other exit, and the time was quickly approaching noon. The associate reminded the man that he absolutely had to feed his pets at precisely noon, otherwise th

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phallivore
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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Going fishing...my reply was instant

Daughter: Dad, can you fix my worm?
Me, getting the canoe off the car: I'll have to tackle that later.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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Dadjoked a customer last week [Retail]

So I work at a hardware store/fish & tackle shop on a fairly affluent barrier island in Florida...tons of rich old WASPs (we're talking DuPont heir money here).

Anyways, a regular comes up to the front register with a saw and some saw blades. I took note of his purchases and said to the guy "How do these work? Some sort of coping mechanism?"

He looked down for a second, began to explain (in a somewhat demeaning tone) how a coping saw works, looked up and saw my shit eating grin.

grooaaannnn "Oh you ass, that was witty. You got me though!"

I later learned that day that his wife had died three months earlier...whoops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Cameraman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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My husband and I were doing laundry...

So, my husband and I were doing laundry. Trying to tackle the pile of towels I asked him to help me. Re responds with- "But, folding towels is for squares!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whycantwe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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My folks are on a road trip.

Driving through Gackle, North Dakota, my dad lays this one on my mom: "What kind of a town name is 'Gackle?' I suppose their football team is called the Jackals. If you played on the team, you might be the Gackle Jackal tackle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evil_Iowan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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What type of football do fishermen play?

Tackle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_A_C_O_B
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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