Did you hear about the depressed Swede?

He wished he'd never been Bjorn!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 167
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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I can't decide if this joke is swede or sour.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 423
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Did you hear that the Swedes have started putting barcodes on the hulls of their warships?

Now, when they pull into port, they can Scandinavian.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EngineersAnon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music?

Bjorn in the wrong generation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/One_Day_Dead
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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What is a Swede's favorite musical drama?

"A Star is Bjรถrn".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MarvelGeek5321
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Why did the Swedes and Norway put bar codes on their warships?

So they could Scandinavian.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mhf145
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, A Welshman, An American, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, a South African, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, and a Buddhist went to a nightclub.

The doorman said, "I'm sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 46
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Espadajin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Neil Diamond has just bought his new car, a Saab, on eBay. I guess you could say he got a Swede car online
๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/opethlike
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Why do Swedes put barcodes on their warships?

So they can scan da navy in.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TurtleofAwesomeness
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2018
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Can't trust them Swedes

This happened when I first started dating my now-boyfriend. I was telling a him about a book I was reading that takes place in Sweden.

Him: I don't like it already. It's hard to trust the Swedes.

Me: What did they ever do to you?

Him: Let's just say I don't have much of a Swede-tooth.

I realized then I wanted him to be my boyfriend.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SnoopLigers
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, ...

an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...

The doorman stops the

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 107
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chainz4Dayz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

an artificial Swedener

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Confused_gay69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?

Because they have some Swede deals!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?

So when they come back to port they can...

Scandinavian

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThePoeticElixir
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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I called to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute actโ€ฆ

It was an automated phone system which said, "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the showโ€ฆ"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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If a guy moves to a country because it's flag is big plus, but does not become a citizen of said country,

Does that make him Swede-ish?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Someone complimented me from Sweden. I said...

Thatโ€™s Swede of you

๐Ÿ‘︎ 51
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vitmal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Why did the vampire like eating Scandinavians?

Because he had a Swede tooth

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cincinnatistuff
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I introduced a friend of mine to Swedish cuisine.

"Mashed potatoes, meatballs. Balls, meet mashed potatoes."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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What's Scandinavia's most successful vehicle manufacturer.......?

.....Fjord.....

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ultra-saurus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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I find that Scandinavia is a bit weird.

Swedes have been identifying themselves improperly. Shouldn't they be Suedes because of IKEA, and why do they not chair-ish their furniture counterparts? It really boggles me.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dr_WickedOreo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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Did you hear that they've been having trouble selling Beatles albums in some Scandinavian countries?

Apparently, when asked if they'd buy any of the renowned group's albums, a Swede wouldn't. But, a Norwegian would.

EDITED for geographical nomenclature.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JudithLight
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 26 2015
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How did 100% of shoppers at Ikea rate their experience?

Pretty Swede

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrBossMan007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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Swedish joke

My dad was telling me about how my cousin in Sweden ate some glass the other day. Turns out glass means "ice cream" in Swedish, and he went on to explain that "Swedes who live in glass houses shouldn't snow cones." That was about the hardest I've ever groaned.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/superblockio
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
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Would you like a Danish?

At a function after graduation and the servers were bring around food. Server "would you like a Danish?" "no thank you, but I'll have a swede if they're going" - dad Poor girl didn't miss a beat. "sorry we're out of swedes at the moment"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hadonis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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Puns for Days

Today my father and I were cleaning out the home of a 90 year old man. In the basement we found these huge and awkward old structures that were used to hang up clothes on hangars.

Dad: "These are so obsolete now. Most people just hang their clothes up on a Pole in their closet.......or a Jew or a Swede."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rugbybackliner
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2014
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What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music?

Bjorn in the wrong generation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music?

Bjorn in the wrong generation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RavioliStiegl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Neil Diamond has just bought his new car, a Saab, on eBay. I guess you could say he got a Swede car online
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/opethlike
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran

An Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar..

The doorman stops them and says sorry I canโ€™t let you in without a T

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 143
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Frase32
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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A bar joke for y'all

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

All go to a bar

The doorm

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zarni1410
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An Afghan...

...an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 95
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Into a fine restraunt...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Kenyan, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Moroccan, an Israeli, a Palestinian, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Manxman, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant. โ€œIโ€™m sorry,โ€ said the maรฎtre dโ€™, โ€œbut you canโ€™t come in here without a Thai."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ogZel
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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