A conspiracy enthusiast told me that to many nose swabs for Covid could cause brain damage.

I told him that President Trump gets tested every day!

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👤︎ u/Sparkei1ca
📅︎ Oct 19 2020
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How does a pirate clean cards?

He swabs the deck

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👤︎ u/gameboy90
📅︎ Jan 02 2021
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Went for the long con with my wife

I had a little mishap with a pruning saw in the yard and asked my wife to patch my finger up. She's a nurse, so I figured she'd dress my wound better than I could. She started off with cleaning up the cut with a betadine swab.
Wife: "This might sting a little bit."
Me: Yup. Yup that stings.
Wife: Sing a song. It'll take your mind off of it.
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to put on the red light, Those days are over you don't have to sell your body to the night..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight, Walk the streets for money you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "You know who sings that, right?"
Wife: "Yeah, the Police."
Me: "Who and the Police?"
Wife: "Sting?"
Me: "Yes it does."

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👤︎ u/capomatt
📅︎ Jul 04 2016
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My Dad drops this gem going through airport security.

Airport Security: Do you have anything sharp on you?

Dad: Yes, my brain.

👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/mvpking
📅︎ May 22 2015
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Got my entire lab group last week.

Our assignment was to swab each of our left hands and then use one of four handwashing protocols, (i.e., hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap, etc.) and come back two days later to observe the difference on Petri plates. So we come back and we're all looking at each other's plates and a girl asks me, "Can I see your hands? Where are they?" to which I responded, "They're right here at the ends of my arms!" and held up my hands. The entire group let out a sigh and rolled their eyes.

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📅︎ Sep 21 2014
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