Why did Hitler love hand sanitizer?

Because he was not a Germ man. He was Austrian.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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What is the Inventor of hand sanitizer doing right now?

Rubbing his hands

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Chriller1122
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
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What do you call a hand sanitizer station that's empty?

A hand sani-teaser....

....

....

Because you think you're going to get your hand sanitized, but you don't, cause it's empty, so it's teasing you...

Yeah?

Yeah?

aww....

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ForestOfCheem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2020
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I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer ?

One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize

πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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A thief has stolen all the hand sanitizer from the supermarket

he seems to have made a clean getaway

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/td941
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2020
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I hate it when someone has hand sanitizer and I don’t.

They’re always rubbing it in.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2020
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Imagine being the guy who invented hand sanitizer.

Bet he is rubbing his hands right now.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BaldrickD2M
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2020
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Single man with toilet roll seeks single woman with hand sanitizer..

Looking for good clean fun!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BHoleButterRoll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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I just realized Christmas and hand sanitizer are opposite

Christmas is Noel, while hand sanitizer is Purell.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rosemourne
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2020
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I’ve been looking for sanitizer everywhere

But I just can’t get my hands on it....

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/petersize10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2020
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These guys broke into my house and stole everything except for my soap, my hand sanitizer, and my sponges.

Dirty bastards

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2018
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SANITIZE
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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How do you clean a pig?

Ham sanitizer

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fletch-8221
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
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What did chewy spray on his best friend after he climbed out of the trash compactor?

Han sanitizer

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
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Social Distancing Pickup Lines
  • If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
  • Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
  • Can't spell virus without U and I.
  • Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
  • I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
  • Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
  • Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shamblingman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2020
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Sanitation worker: My wife says my job is easy

Trust me I have seen some shit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2019
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The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..

.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2020
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Our sanitation workers going on strike...

...would be revolting.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JackDragon88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2018
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I can sanitize milk by throwing it at your head.

The milk becomes safe to drink once it goes past-ur-eyes.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CanIJustPostHere
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2018
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How did China get the virus under control?

They used Han sanitizer.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/codemon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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Why was no one interested in the sanitation talk?

Because no one wanted to hear someone talk shit on stage. (OC)

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2015
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Working in sanitation truly is a thankless job

Not only do you take your boss's shit, you have to deal with the entire city's.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JDsmigs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2014
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How do pigs wash themselves?

With ham sanitizer.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bowmore34yr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2019
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Got my wife with a this one tonight

We were talking about "Grey's Anatomy"

Her: "It's like a soap opera, but it's a medical drama also."

Me: "So it's more like a hand-sanitizer opera?"

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PigicornNamedHarold
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2018
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Got me twice in 10 seconds...

My dad keeps some hand sanitizer on-hand next to him in his car. As my dad was driving, I saw that there was a bit of hand sanitizer that had spilled onto his cup holder.

Me: Hey dad, did you spill purell?

Dad: P-U-R-E-L-L.

Me: What?

Dad: You asked me if I spelled purell, but I didn't so now I did!

Me: groans Okay Dad, did you spill purell?? [Emphasized pronunciation of word]

Dad No I didn't spill purell... because that's germ-x.

Me: groaning intensifies

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JIKAN_DESU
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2015
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Got my entire lab group last week.

Our assignment was to swab each of our left hands and then use one of four handwashing protocols, (i.e., hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap, etc.) and come back two days later to observe the difference on Petri plates. So we come back and we're all looking at each other's plates and a girl asks me, "Can I see your hands? Where are they?" to which I responded, "They're right here at the ends of my arms!" and held up my hands. The entire group let out a sigh and rolled their eyes.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awayshallfade
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2014
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I gave this to my coworker today....

Slow start:

So I was combining two hand sanitizer bottles while waiting on some computer function to complete, one was a scented and dyed blue while the other was regular clear handbleach. In the end I have a bottle of half clear half blue.

So I make wide panic eyes, hold up the bottle for my coworker to see and tell him "Oh shit, %coworkerβ„… I really blew it this time"

3/4 techs approve this dadjoke

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WANGblizzard
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2015
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The guy who invented hand sanitizer

Must be rubbing his hands together right now.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/insideout97
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2020
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Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer

For good clean fun.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theblakeness
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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This Coronavirus is crazy

I bet the guy who invented hand sanitizer is rubbing his hands together

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CollierAM9
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2020
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