I just found out you should never put sanitizer in the dishwasher.

It's hand wash only

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
During the lockdown I'm wiping my banknotes with sanitizer and washing all the coins with hot soapy water.

I hope, I don't get arrested for money laundering.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Hitler love hand sanitizer?

Because he was not a Germ man. He was Austrian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the Inventor of hand sanitizer doing right now?

Rubbing his hands

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chriller1122
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
SANITIZE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hand sanitizer station that's empty?

A hand sani-teaser....

....

....

Because you think you're going to get your hand sanitized, but you don't, cause it's empty, so it's teasing you...

Yeah?

Yeah?

aww....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestOfCheem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer ?

One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A thief has stolen all the hand sanitizer from the supermarket

he seems to have made a clean getaway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine being the guy who invented hand sanitizer.

Bet he is rubbing his hands right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldrickD2M
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate it when someone has hand sanitizer and I don’t.

They’re always rubbing it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Single man with toilet roll seeks single woman with hand sanitizer..

Looking for good clean fun!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHoleButterRoll
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized Christmas and hand sanitizer are opposite

Christmas is Noel, while hand sanitizer is Purell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosemourne
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been looking for sanitizer everywhere

But I just can’t get my hands on it....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/petersize10
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Sanitation worker: My wife says my job is easy

Trust me I have seen some shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
These guys broke into my house and stole everything except for my soap, my hand sanitizer, and my sponges.

Dirty bastards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Our sanitation workers going on strike...

...would be revolting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackDragon88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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How do you clean a pig?

Ham sanitizer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fletch-8221
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
  • If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
  • Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
  • Can't spell virus without U and I.
  • Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
  • I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
  • Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
  • Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamblingman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I can sanitize milk by throwing it at your head.

The milk becomes safe to drink once it goes past-ur-eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanIJustPostHere
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What did chewy spray on his best friend after he climbed out of the trash compactor?

Han sanitizer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was no one interested in the sanitation talk?

Because no one wanted to hear someone talk shit on stage. (OC)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
🚨︎ report
The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..

.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in sanitation truly is a thankless job

Not only do you take your boss's shit, you have to deal with the entire city's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDsmigs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
🚨︎ report
How did China get the virus under control?

They used Han sanitizer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codemon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
American people are greedy at the grocery store...

well, I finally lost it... I was just in a store and saw a man whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizers, toilet paper, soaps... You know everything that people desperately need right now!!! I called him a greedy bastard, and told him he should be freaking ashamed of himself! He said " are you done? Cuz I really need to get back to stocking the shells now"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do pigs wash themselves?

With ham sanitizer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bowmore34yr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with a this one tonight

We were talking about "Grey's Anatomy"

Her: "It's like a soap opera, but it's a medical drama also."

Me: "So it's more like a hand-sanitizer opera?"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Got me twice in 10 seconds...

My dad keeps some hand sanitizer on-hand next to him in his car. As my dad was driving, I saw that there was a bit of hand sanitizer that had spilled onto his cup holder.

Me: Hey dad, did you spill purell?

Dad: P-U-R-E-L-L.

Me: What?

Dad: You asked me if I spelled purell, but I didn't so now I did!

Me: groans Okay Dad, did you spill purell?? [Emphasized pronunciation of word]

Dad No I didn't spill purell... because that's germ-x.

Me: groaning intensifies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIKAN_DESU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Got my entire lab group last week.

Our assignment was to swab each of our left hands and then use one of four handwashing protocols, (i.e., hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap, etc.) and come back two days later to observe the difference on Petri plates. So we come back and we're all looking at each other's plates and a girl asks me, "Can I see your hands? Where are they?" to which I responded, "They're right here at the ends of my arms!" and held up my hands. The entire group let out a sigh and rolled their eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awayshallfade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
🚨︎ report
I gave this to my coworker today....

Slow start:

So I was combining two hand sanitizer bottles while waiting on some computer function to complete, one was a scented and dyed blue while the other was regular clear handbleach. In the end I have a bottle of half clear half blue.

So I make wide panic eyes, hold up the bottle for my coworker to see and tell him "Oh shit, %coworkerβ„… I really blew it this time"

3/4 techs approve this dadjoke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WANGblizzard
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
🚨︎ report
The guy who invented hand sanitizer

Must be rubbing his hands together right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insideout97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer

For good clean fun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theblakeness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
This Coronavirus is crazy

I bet the guy who invented hand sanitizer is rubbing his hands together

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollierAM9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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