Why did the police officer get suspended?
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Post Malone just suspended his tour
Guess that makes him postponed Malone
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︎ Mar 13 2020
Police man suspended for...
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︎ Jan 31 2020
An homage to a one-time teen star suspended from the Muppet*Vision ceiling, Disney World
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︎ Feb 15 2020
The NBA has suspended the season...
It would be a little hard to play with everyone getting penalties, since people with corona-virus love to travel
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︎ Mar 12 2020
What do you call a pilot who is suspended from his job?
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︎ May 01 2019
US Gymnast Christopher Brooks is suspended
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︎ Nov 04 2016
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︎ Sep 08 2016
If you have a weaving loom which was suspended above the ground, and then you left it to your children when you died...
would you call it an heirloom air-loom?
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︎ Jan 26 2017
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?
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︎ Jan 30 2021
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.
The executioner left him hanging.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What did the suspenders say to the pants?
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︎ Mar 25 2020
SOS! SOS!
A pilot ejected himself from a plane. He was suspended for a week.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Why does a fire fighter wear YELLOW suspenders?
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︎ Oct 29 2019
Why did the suspenders get arrested?
... for holding up the pants! (Duh)
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︎ Aug 18 2019
Does this count?
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︎ Mar 26 2019
Why did the environmentally-friendly factory require that its workers start wearing suspenders to work?
They wanted to eliminate waist products.
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︎ Apr 24 2019
I heard you lost your suspenders...
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︎ Oct 10 2018
Did you hear about the award they give out to people who only use suspenders to keep their pants up?
It's called the No-belt Prize.
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︎ Mar 20 2017
Home schooling going well
2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job
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︎ Mar 24 2020
Did you hear about the physicist who ran the 100 meters wearing only suspenders?
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︎ Oct 21 2017
Disney isn't going to die and go out of business even though they completely shut down operations and didn't produce anything for three months.
They just suspended animation.
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︎ May 16 2020
I watched an amazing nature documentary tonight, it was about the American coyote.
In order to catch its prey it constructed a cunning trap of a grand piano suspended above a target, it then baited the trap with seed and lay in wait for a road runner to pass by.
Very interesting.
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︎ May 14 2020
Nerdy dad joke
Attention - due to the current health situation, I am hereby suspending all TCP communication. I will only utilize UDP in order to avoid all handshakes.
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︎ Mar 07 2020
Why was the policeman constipated?
Because he was on suspended duty.
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Bathroom dad joked my eight year old
My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.
Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?
Me: Because she does a shitty job.
(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)
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︎ May 07 2014
A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts...
I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.
Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.
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︎ Jun 12 2018
I got some bad news yesterday. My ex got hit by a car
and my license got suspended.
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︎ Oct 05 2019
BadBoyBridge
A bridge went to bridge school and did something wrong, he was called into the principals office, the principal then said "you're suspended"
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︎ Sep 10 2019
The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: "Well..."
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︎ Oct 06 2019
I once watched a horror movie about pants.
It was full of suspenders.
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︎ Aug 12 2019
Hear about what happened to the student who tried to hang another student?
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︎ Aug 24 2018
It's bad to skip school to go out bungee jumping with your friends...
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︎ Nov 10 2018
Too bad what happened to the new telephone line repairman...
Poor guy got suspended on his first day.
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︎ Aug 26 2018
At work today I broke the law of gravity
As punishment I was suspended
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︎ Mar 15 2015
The hidden puns of LexisNexis
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
...
keep reading on reddit âĄ
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︎ Feb 22 2016
I'm at Midas right now getting my Jeep checked to pass smog
I text my step dad that the Jeep is currently in the air right now (they suspend it on a track so they can check the exhaust system)
His response
"Don't let it float away!"
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︎ Dec 05 2015
At a young age, Larry King never went to school. Why do you think this is?
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︎ Mar 06 2016
Why do Firemen wear red suspenders?
>!To hold their pants up!<
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︎ Dec 06 2019
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?
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︎ Nov 13 2019
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?
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︎ Nov 12 2019
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?
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︎ Nov 08 2019
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
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︎ Aug 18 2018
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
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︎ Jul 06 2017
Why do firefighters wear red white and blue suspenders?
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︎ Oct 23 2017
Why do firemen wear suspenders?
To keep their pants from falling down.
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︎ Dec 18 2016
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