My brother, who stutters alot, went to prison...

Its a shame that he won’t finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yaboibaka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I just found out that my friend with a stutter died in prison

He didn't finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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If you have a bad stutter, never accuse your wife of being a "hoarder."

Severe head trauma could result.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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A guy with a stutter died in prison...

Before he could finish his sentence!

(Don't know if it's been done before, please don't hurt me)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Telephone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My dad has a serious stutter and just went to prison

I don't think he'll ever finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Admiral__Unicorn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Did you hear about the man with a stutter?

The judge says he'll have a hard time with his sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, β€œWhat’s your name, son?” He replies, β€œD-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, β€œOh, do you have a stutter?”

The student replies, β€œNo sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Your Dad is in a prison and he's got a stutter. What problems is that going to cause?

He's never gonna finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyboy96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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Mom: You poor kid. You know you can get some help with that stutter.

Kid: Wh... wh... why? I... I'm pretty g... good at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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You can always trust someone with a stutter

They always stick to their word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yesuhuhyes
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Insulting people who stutter are repeat offenders.

EH?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snerkderp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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What happened to the man with a stutter that died in jail?

He never got to finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thetrueboo92
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

And the clerk just seems to ignore him.

Finally, the guy storms off in anger.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
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what did the man with stutter say when asking the brightness of some light bulbs?

"what watt are those?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison

He didn't even finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13010013
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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After trying for a week, the wife just told me, she's pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My friend opened a seafood restaurant...

He named it β€œCCCCCCC”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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In a fit of rage and sorrow, I kept stuttering

I couldn't find my voice, I stuttered, " I, I-i, Iβ€”I, I'L" I was at a loss for words

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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I took my daughter to the doctors. He asked me if she always stuttered like that. I said no,

only when she wants to say something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Did you hear about the inmate that stuttered?

He never finished his sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 646
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryassburger-il
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Where does the stuttering film director shoot Phil Collins' music video?

In the Stu-stu-studio.

Came up with this at work the other day. A customer asked for her purchase for free after I shared it with her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dreamerkid001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2016
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Two cowboys were lost in the desert

They were starving hungry, and finally, they see a tree in the distance draped in bacon.

β€œLook!” says one of the cowboys, β€œIt’s a bacon tree – we’re saved!”.

He runs towards the tree but is suddenly shot down in a hail of bullets.

With his last dying breath he stutters:

β€œIt’s-It’s-It’s not a bacon tree... it’s-it’s a ham bush!”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrLazercat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Why can't Hitler count to 10?

he will always stutter at nein, nein, nein.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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It thought it qould be funny

Son: D-d-dDad

Dad: Ahh he's going to say his first words

Son: D-dad I've been speaking for 30 years, stop making fun for my stutter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrownUPSBox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Early release

A stuttering man was released from prison early

He could not finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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There’s a magician

who claims he can heal anyone with magical crystals. He announces to a crowd, β€œanyone who needs something healed, step right up and I can heal you with my powers!” Someone steps up, on crutches. β€œHi, I’m Phil, can you fix my leg?” He asks. β€œYes! Of course! Phil, step behind the curtain!” Answers the crystal guy. Then, another man steps up. β€œYou seem fine! What’s the problem?” The crystal guy asks. β€œI h-h-have ha-had this st-stutter since I wa-was five.” He said. β€œOk, I can fix you right up!” The crystal guy says, motioning the guy with the stutter behind the curtain. Then, he says some sort of chant, moving crystals around. Once he is done he shouts, β€œPhil, throw a crutch over to prove you’re healed!” A crutch goes flying over the curtain. The crowd gasps. β€œNow, sir, with the stutter, say something!” He shouts, showing off it worked. β€œU-uh Ph-Phil fe-ell d-down.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaucyyThomas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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What's a Pirates Favorite ....

Dad: what's a Pirates favorite crime?

Me: uh ... ?

Dad: ARRRRson! What's a Pirates favorite type of socks?

Me: I don't know dad.

Dad: ARRRRgyle! What's a Pirates favorite branch of the military?

Me: rolling eyes it's the ARRRRmy.

Dad: acting confused No, it's the Navy. Why on earth would they like the army better?

Hopefully not a repost but I very clearly remember getting caught by this one and stuttering with no response.

πŸ‘︎ 580
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrossCheckPanda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2014
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A Little Pun on the Job

So I have a funny anecdote from work but my friends don't like puns as much as I do, so I'm hoping someone here will appreciate it. This happened last night.

My lead walked up to me to let me know a coworker wasn't there, he says, "Bill is dead and we killed him." I give him a blank stare because I didn't comprehend him immediately and he goes, "it was a reference to Nietzsche." (German philosopher known for "God is dead and we killed him.") "it was a Neitzsche joke." So I responded with "that's cool bud, but I believe it's pronounced 'niche'." He stutters for a moment, "no, it's- oh." I burst out into laughter and he walks away with a "fuck you". πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xanderismello
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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[REQUEST] I was hoping to see if it was possible for people to just a picture of their dad's reaction.

I feel like half the fun of a dad joke is always your father's reaction. You know that stupid grin or him slamming on the steering wheel. I mean I was wondering if it was possible for people to try to get a snap shot of their father in action. I know dad jokes is text only but I thought it would make the joke more funny with a quality visual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bandz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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Met the Manager for the first time, gave him a dad joke, now I'm the favorite

BACK STORY:
So I got a new job through one of my good friends, and while working with him I shook hands with my boss Chad, awesome guy. As we were making small talk I was stuttering a bit, and my good friend, Neil, loves messing with me about it.
Me: Yeah, that sounds g-g-great
Neil: T-T-TODAY JUNIOR, jeez can your mouth ever talk straight?
Chad: Hey it's legal now so if his mouth wants that, it's none of my business and more power to him.
Me: But my mouth is bi
Neil:Bi what?
Me: Bi my nose

Chad laughed hard, this will be a great job. More dad jokes to come, I'm sure

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SendMeASmile
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
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So I got a second cat, and my mother was bringing another litter box.

So she said: "You should write 'Sammy' on the litter box."

Me: (Look at her dumbfounded for a moment, stutter mildly and speak quietly for emphasis, like how you would when telling a family member that a mutual loved one is very ill) "M-Mom...I..I don't think he can read."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptSmackThat
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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Dad joked my friend in class today

She brain farted while we were talking and stuttered a couple times. Finally after I kept laughing she said "Im done talking in your presence" and I answered "What about my gifts?" The death stare was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dolorous_Nedd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
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A man with a stutter died in prison...

before he could finish his sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gremick92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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Did you hear about the guy with a stutter who died in prison?

He died before he could finish his sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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I just found out that my cousin with a stuttering problem died in prison.

He didn’t even finish his sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Insayne-iwnl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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My mom just told me that my stuttering cousin died in prison

He couldn’t even finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rossmannion189
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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After a couple of weeks of trying, my wife just told me that she was pregnant!

She has the worst stutter ever.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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After trying for a week, my wife just told me that she is pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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After nearly three weeks of trying, my wife finally told me, β€œI’m pregnant!”

She really has the worst stutter ever.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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After two weeks of trying, my wife just told me she was pregnant.

She has the world worst stutter.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Son : D-d-d

Dad: aww he’s about to say his first word

Son: D-dad i’ve been talking for 20 years stop making fun of my stutter

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosjojo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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