Straight 6 Puns

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

Dino-snore.

I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.

Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!

and about 2 hours gay

I have a few examples of what I'm looking for. I like them, but I'm sure the power of Reddit can come up with some that are even better!

• William (Bill) Ding

• James (Jim) Nastics

• Bart Ender

• Ted Manwalkin

• Gustavo (Gus) Undheit

As you can see, they don't even have to be straight up puns when said normally, but their common nicknames lend themselves into it. Anyone have any more good ones? Bad ones are appreciated too, lets all have a laugh!

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

So far no one has given me a straight answer.

They all get straight ehs

But none of them gave me a straight answer.

They always give straight "eh"s.

So far I’ve haven’t gotten a straight answer

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

He couldn't keep a straight face

Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.

I never got a straight answer.

Last night I dreamt I was turning my handwriting into a custom font.

It started out normal with basic straight lines but by “Z” it had become a very ornate and filigreed design, reminiscent of the designs of monks in old bibles.

Someone watching me work then asked me what the font was called.

I responded: What’s a monk’s favourite font?

They shook their head and shrugged.

Me: MonastArial!

I started laughing but only received an exasperated sigh in return.

Me: Wait, I’ve got another one. How about GaraMonk? 🤣

Ahhhhnd I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard at my own joke and had to look up of Monastarial was a real word. It is.

chiropractor: "you're up. follow me, we're going straight back"

ba dum tsss

Because they'll never tell you anything straight

Because they can’t keep a straight face.

You go straight for the juggler.

Because they can't go straight to sleep!

(I am so sorry)

“Bison!!!”

~Was shocked to speechlessness when my 5 year old kid said this with a straight face. And this happened when I was trying very hard to teach him the right format of a knock-knock joke. I was stumped for about a minute as he combined a chicken-cross-the-road with a wordplay. Laughed so hard after that - until my wife had to use a pan on my head to stop us both.

But I can’t tell it with a straight face.

I always put them in the bin straight after I buy them...

They recommend if you catch it to proceed straight to the ICU.

They go straight to my Junk.

So far nobody has given me a straight answer

I told him that he’d go straight to jail. For mail pampering.

But I could never get it straight.

Friend: Dude, linear algebra is so hard.

Me: How hard can it be? Sounds pretty straight forward to me.

Friend: -_-

Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁

Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎

Two straight weeks without a signal typo

At the beach today and daughter found the remains of part (1/4th) of a sand dollar. She said, "I think it's a sand dollar, can you hold it for me?"Not wanting to carry it around, I said no. "Besides, it looks more like a sand quarter to me. Throw it back in the ocean and tell it to keep the change."She rolled her eyes and ignored me, deciding to keep it anyway. On the way home, a tiny part of it chipped off and she showed me, disappointed. I said, "That doesn't make any cents." She told me to shut up.

Yesterday my son was biking behind me and I swerved around a plant but he went straight through it. He told me the plant hit his face. I replied, "So you're telling me you face planted?"

My two kids don't take me seriously anymore.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

A ginja!

(Straight from my red-headed teacher who has this nickname from his in-laws)

Dads love saying ‘that was fast’ when someone leaves but returns straight away because they forgot something.

Dads love answering the phone ‘yelllllow’.

Dads love saying ‘they don’t make things like they used to’ whenever something breaks.

Dads love teaching kids how to play 52 card pickup.

Dads love saying ‘what’s the damage’ when handed a bill for something.

Dads love saying ‘pull my finger’ and farting when you do.

Dads love saying ‘Jeez Louise!’.

I told my dad the school was having a makeup day to cover any missed work, and he, typical dad, goes “they’re teaching you to put on makeup?” (I’m a straight male)

He didn't drive straight.

A female crab saw a male crab walking straight, not sideways, like other crabs did.

‘This guy is really really special’, she thought, and asked him out. Soon they were married.

A few days later she saw him walking sideways just like the other crabs, and was disappointed and angry.

‘You lied to me!’ She said. ‘I thought you were different and special!’

The crab said ‘Oh honey, you know I can’t drink that much everyday!’

“Give it to me straight, doc.”

It was just humming along.

.

TLDR: (This was an actual thing my dad said after we were passed by a hummer. Can’t get any more dadjoke then straight from the Dad!)

Cause they can't keep a straight face.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:

Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...

Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)

Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?

Patient: No

Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?

Patient: No

Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?

Patient (sometimes): Yes

Me: Do you know the results of the test?

Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative

Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)

Patient: It was negative

Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)

Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)

Me: Dad jokes have to happen... 🙂

/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh

(my first attempt, please have mercy)

Cop: Sir I need you to blow in this breathalyzer.
Driver: I can't, I'm an asthmatic

Cop: Then I need to do a blood draw.
Driver: I can't, I'm an hemophiliac

Cop: then I need to ask you to step out of the vehicle and walk in a straight line
Driver: I can't, I'm drunk.

Ok, I leave now....

Saying it with a straight face

It went straight through me.

So far no one has given me a straight answer