Steel yourself for this one
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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What do you get when you watch ' you've got mail", " steel magnolias", and " when Harry met sally"?

A Meg Sally sandwich.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WKGokev
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2021
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My sister has been reading game of thrones and she really liked the line "the sound of steel on steel"

So she decided to steel it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bean_burrito14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..

..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '

πŸ‘οΈŽ 556
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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Where does steel wool come from?

Sheep metal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sean_mmars
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2020
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What do you call a dog with no hind legs and stainless steel testicles?

Sparky.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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Which Arab country produces the most steel?

Iron

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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I liked this a little too much, had to steel it.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Allgoodnamesinuse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
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I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount

It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zatch17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
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My dad works in a steel plant.

He says it's very riveting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuryaYlp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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I went to see a demonstration on steel boat building.

It was riveting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/McveigshArk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2020
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You might not think engineers are brave...

But it took balls of steel to make the first bearings.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 116
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lfantine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2021
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Have you heard the joke about the steel rod ?

No ? Let metal you

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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Did you hear about the metal shipment that was late?

It was steel to come.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/borna761
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
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Honestly I woudden't lead someone else steel this pun
πŸ‘οΈŽ 491
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1_hele_euro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2019
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2020
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I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...

In other words, a pedi-file.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2020
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If Noah were to build a boat today, would it be steel?

Held together with ark welding.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zaachh_Ded
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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How much do dumplings weigh?

Wonton

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2020
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What kind of person would steel a baby?!?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BubbRubbsSecretSanta
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2018
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My 2 yo daughter doesn’t like to go to sleep.

Some nights I feel like a cop chasing a robber trying to catch her so I can put her to sleep, as she β€œsteels” away in various rooms of the house...

You could say she’s β€œevading a-rest”...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/x000b
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2021
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I had a job at the iron and steel mill...

but my co-workers did not like me. They said I smelt badly.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2020
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Did you hear of that fake metal that was fraudulently sold to companies as "steel"? It turned out to be an alloy mostly made up of tin. Guess you can call it FORGED steel
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/figgerer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2019
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I'm considering getting into the steel and mining business

.. just need to iron out the details.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kmh4321
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
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I did steel this joke

Otherwise, it metal the sub's criteria.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/le_petit_nihilist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2019
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I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle. I bought a steel whistle but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle

But it steel wooden lead me whistle

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jack_Dawesome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2019
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I called an old college classmate and asked what he was doing.

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."

I was impressed...Upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes, with hot water, under his wife’s supervision.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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*passes rod of steel*
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MysticaIMemes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2019
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Guess you could say that they steeled it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/matthewdoesmc81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 10 2019
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Get it..?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cfoster14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2019
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My wife had to sit through a presentation on galvanized steel

Wife: I got a free lunch today for watching a presentation on galvanized steel

Me: I hope they talk about joining a bunch of steel sheets together. That would be riviting.

Wife: I hate you

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tracebusta
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2019
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I'm reading a novel about steel workers.

It's riveting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dan-Quixote
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
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Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Transportation_Fan_1
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2019
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My parents were in the Iron & Steel business. My mother irons and my father steals
πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gmaxis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2018
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I adopted a dog from a Blacksmith...

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the backdoor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B-man44
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2019
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My new favorite instrument is Steel Drums

Because even when they're broken, they're steel drums

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shane_mckenzie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2018
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I had an idea to build a functioning car with steel wheels

Sadly though, it never gained any traction.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_am_Boi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2019
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The person who keeps steeling my coffee

How do you sleep at night

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Luka_a_tiny_piec
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2019
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I just finished a great documentary about the process by which metal sheets are fastened together with steel bolts.

It was riveting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_iraq_such_as
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2019
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Yesterday I told my steel chain a good joke and it laughed.

That was a nice Chain Reaction!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nizzao
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2019
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My eating utensils were forged from Valerian steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GerryAttric
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2019
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What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?

Sparky!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NickSchles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2020
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Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rathabro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2019
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I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2020
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