I found out that my salary from starring in porn movies was going to David Hasselhoff...
All my hard work was going to pay Hoff.
What’s your favorite classic Christmas movie starring MaCaulay Culkin?
Did you hear they're remaking the movie Anaconda starring Sylvester Stallone?
They're gonna call it Rocky Balboa Constrictor
What do you call a chicken starring at lettuce?
Starring Chaff Miller, coming soon to a theater near you
The Sitter-Downers, starring the Three Stooges
[the Three Stooges pick names out of a hat, to determine who gets to marry which girl]
Larry (Larry Fine): I got Florabell!
Florabelle: Darling!
Moe (Moe Howard): I got Corabell!
Corabelle: Oh, Darling!
Curly (Curly Howard): I got Stetson! What one is she?
(from the Three Stooges short film, The Sitter-Downers)
What do you call a Disney movie starring a DJ?
I'm planning a parody TV show of Stranger Things, but starring river-based forest creatures.
I'm calling it Otter Stuff.
'Right Place, Wrong Tim' - starring Asa Butterfield, in a pun filled, horror comedy set in a 90s clock shop
youtube.com/watch?v=f-jsf…
Did you hear about the new tomato soup and crackers movie starring Tom Cruise?
It’s called Bisquey Ritzness
Did you hear Chris Hemsworth is starring in the next Frozen movie?
They hope he might Thor it out.
EDIT: Fixed it for you people who don't get it...
Cleaning out the garage, Episode 1, starring: my dad.
This is what happens when you retire.
http://i.imgur.com/WDQ2hR1.png
My husband says he is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars.
I said, “Please don’t go, honey. You’re the Obi-Wan for me.”
Which Star Wars character works in a restaurant?
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the fuck is my roof ?
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
In honor of Star Wars Day (May The Fourth), here’s a themed dad joke!
Did you know the temperature of a Bacta tank is lukewarm?
Just a reminder that it's only "Star Wars Day" if....
Quick reference for Star Wars: Chewie is short for Chewbacca, Ben Kenobi is short for Obi-Wan Kenobi...
...and Luke Skywalker is short for a storm trooper
My son asked me why is there space between earth and stars?
Because earthandstars is hard to read.
My son Luke loves it that we named all our kids after Star Wars characters...
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
What did the blackhole say to the star before eating it?
My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I've had enough. I'm leaving you."
"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.
David Bowie starred in the film labyrinth
As a kid I thought this film was aMAZEing
I was outside, laying down, at night, admiring the stars and the moon
Ms Wilson, Australian star of the Pitch Perfect movies has announced she no longer believes in Santa.
She is a Rebel without a Claus.
Our son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.
His sister Chewbacca is less thrilled.
I've got the body of a porn star....
All my clothes says XXXX.
What do you call a neon sheep in the Star Wars universe?
I got arrested at NASA.
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
Chewbacca of Star Wars was once a great baseball player in The Major Leagues. . . . . .
Seriously, he won Wookie of the year.
Who stared as Han Solo in the Scandinavian remake of Star Wars?
I had a Wookie burger at a Star Wars cafe
My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes
William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...
Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.
My spouse left me because of my obsession with Star Wars.
Divorce is strong with this one.
I promised my new girlfriend the sun, the moon and the stars....
So, I took her to the planetarium.
Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham
Jesus Christ Snooker Star.
Skeptic: This ninja star can never fit through that gap!
I recently played in a Star Wars themed cricket match.
Every time the ball was delivered the Umpire struck back.
My favorite Star Wars character is a philosopher
Ever since the Death Star blew up, Anakin has taken to the NY Stock Exchange
A couple of coffee beans were having a comedy show, just between friends...
Tell a man there are three hundred billion stars in the universe, and he believes you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he has to touch it to be sure.
If Chewie is short for Chewbacca, and Ben is short for Obi Wan, what is Luke short for?
My son Luke loves that we named him after a Star Wars character.
My daughter Chewbacca not so much
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
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