If you squat on a stump and take a dump....

Is it considered a toilet-tree?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rj17141
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
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I don’t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.

That’s how I roll

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blueholeload
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2020
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It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/meegja
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2020
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Sometimes I squat down and wrap my arms around my knees and just let myself start to lean forward.

Because that's how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dymbrulee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2020
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What do you call a software engineer doing squats?

A back-end developer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2019
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Squats are a pain in the ass.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AUGUST_BURNS_REDDIT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2019
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I put the dumbbells on the rack after finishing a set of squats.

It was a big weight off my shoulders.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2019
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I saw a German man squat down the other day to pick something up

He was krautching.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Taocman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2018
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Every day I squat down, tuck my head between my knees and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wheezy360
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2017
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly squats

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jenny312
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
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My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"

She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theevildave
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2020
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I once saw a man squatting behind a grave. β€œMorning!” I said.

β€œNo, just having a shit” he said

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/peachyfluf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2019
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Old [and lazy] guy at work says, β€œyou know what work out is best for lazy people?”

β€œDiddly squat”. Dead pan serious as he says it too.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jubo-ish
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
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Two homeless fellas are squatting in an abandoned house down the road.

I guess it's cheaper than a gym membership.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2019
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I saw a woman squatting behind her car on the roadside the other day, and I thought to myself...

That’s a funny place to lift weights.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dens382
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2018
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I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2019
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The powerlifter skipped leg day again.

He did diddly squat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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The other day my friend asked me what my favourite workout was

I said, "jack squat, I do it all day".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotRealNickOfferman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2020
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Puns mmmmn
πŸ‘οΈŽ 98
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MathieuVeldhuis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2019
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I once grabbed a slippery soap...

It got out of hand pretty quickly

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alcinada
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2019
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How does Bigfoot stay in shape?

It does Sas-squats.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2019
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What do you call a bunch of seniors with bad knees and poor vision?

Squeaky squat squad squinting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2019
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Schindler's lift imgur.com/AdspSaZ
πŸ‘οΈŽ 158
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/onetruebipolarbear
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2014
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What’s Ned Flanders’ favorite exercise?

Diddly squat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Macauley_Sulkin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2019
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I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2018
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Three year old got me again.

Came home from work, squatted down, held out my arms and asked my son where my hug was. Without missing a beat he looks over his shoulder and says, "I don't see it anywhere."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 306
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Flapjack22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2016
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What do you call a dad sitting with super strong legs?

Papa squat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TyTyFitz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2018
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I don't mind leg days

I just do diddly squats

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2018
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I'm lazy but still went to the gym...

Did a bunch of diddly squats.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/signalranch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2018
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At the gym on a date with a lawyer

We had finished squats and were moving on to the next exercise. I told her:

Your Honor, I request permission to approach the bench.

She didn't find it as funny as I did.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ogionthesilent
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2014
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Was walking the dog this morning.

I figured out that our heeler is part alien, because he leaves crap circles instead of crop circles.

(he gets so excited on walks that he doesn't "squat still", instead going in a circle)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jehannum_505
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2016
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Exercise talk

I was sitting around with my brother and dad watching sports and we got on the subject of exercise. I asked my brother if he ever squats nowadays. My dad interrupts and says, "nah, he stands sometimes though."

Groan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LabRatsAteMyHomework
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2015
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One my dad just used on me

I asked my dad if he could make me a sandwhich and he said, "i dont know, that sounds pretty hard to do. Let me try." He then squated, put his arms out, and wiggled his fingers at me and then said" BOOM, you are now a sandwhich!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gizmah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2015
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I feel like this joke is underappreciated on /r/todayilearned.

http://goo.gl/4RBWVA

tl;dr: TIL During the 2014 Sochi Olympics, Russians got free passes on the Moscow subway system if they did 30 squats in front of a motion sensor

/u/SayLem37: "How did the sensor know they were russian?"

/u/eatnubmer1: "They did the squats quickly."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/eatnumber1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2014
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My uncle told me this one

Two men are walking in the jungle when suddenly one has to poop. He tells his friend and the friend says he has to go too. Of course there are many dangerous animals in the jungle so they are scared of going alone. Then the first man suggests that they get some leaves and squat back to back so they can keep an eye out. The second man agrees with him. While they are pooping a lion's roar erupts from the trees. The first man speaks

"You're sacred aren't you"

The a a second man not wanting to seem like a coward says no.

The first man says

"Then would you mind wiping your own ass"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CoolAsACucumber
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2013
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Dad joked by my workmate...

I'm a mechanic, and our work van has some cheap after market headlights installed. One wasn't working and I found out its because they're poorly made. I commented "Look at this Chinese crap!" He turned around and says "No, this is a Chinese crap" and squats down on the floor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoulFate
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2014
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Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my legs and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fudgebert
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2013
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do ?

Diddly-squats

πŸ‘οΈŽ 48
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly squat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/waffel-daddy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2020
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sticky118
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2020
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly squats

πŸ‘οΈŽ 178
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2018
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddley squats

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PNWCatDad
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2019
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How to lazy people exercise?

They do Diddly Squats!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tw1ch1e
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2019
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New to me.

Sometimes I squat on the floor, hold my knees and lean forward.

Because that's how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Forgot_My_Rape_Shoes
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2014
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