The worst part of spanking a disobedient child at a supermarket is....

......having absolutely no idea whose child it is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Just caught my son spanking a cardboard cutout of Dwayne Johnson.

He’s officially hit Rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alliedcola
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What’s SPANKING?

Capital punishment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Dwayne Johnson is taking me to court for sexual harassment because I wouldn't stop spanking him

I've really hit Rock bottom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreacherousMango
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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I had a dream last night where I was spanking Dwayne Johnson

I literally hit the rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/umairEm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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A man was arrested after being caught going around a bunch of farms and spanking the cattle.

He was a cow-rear criminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHorseHead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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My dad spanked a statue

And that was the moment his puns hit rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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A bit too late for confession, Arthur.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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My dad and I were walking downtown today having a heart to heart when he spanked a statue, turned to me and said....

"....Son....... I've just hit rock bottom."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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My Grand Pa tells the worst jokes but this is his best.

Grand Pa: What does Mr. Potato Head and Cuba have in common?

Me:expecting the worstWhat's that.....

Grand Pa: They both have a dictator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WarlockRock11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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I ended my call to my friend saying "I hope you come naked!"...

Clearly taken back, he said, "WHAT DID YOU SAY??"

I replied "I said 'I hope you can make it'"

Real talk, I do this all the time. What are some other similar phrases I can say to people!? :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mxracer888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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My wife hates me.

After our marriage, my sexual fetishes have grown slowly more perverse, but it wasn't until I spanked a statue in public that I realized I had hit rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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GODDAMMIT.

So me and my twin sis went with my dad to a family barbecue thing, dad was frying the meat with my 8 uncles. They were taking too long to prepare the meat, so I decided to say that I'm hungry and they are slow.

Every single one of my uncles and my dad proceeded to stare at me and

"HELLO HUNGRY, I'M NOT SLOW, I'M DAD".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Little-Chocolate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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You did what to a toy monkey?

So my daughter owns a toy monkey called Mimi.. It's her fave monkey of all time it goes everywhere.

Anyway Mimi was covered in flour from a days worth of mucking around with homemade play-dough.

As I'm putting her to bed I'm attempting to knock all the flour off Mimi before giving the monkey to her.

She got grumpy that I had Mimi and I said to her without thinking "Just wait a second Daddy needs to finish de-flouring Mimi... "

I'm just glad she doesn't understand that particular double-entendre

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanemal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
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Fozzie the Bear tells the ultimate dad jokes.
  1. Did I tell you the one about the man with the light bulb in his nose? He was lightheaded.

  2. Why are fish so smart? 'Cause they swim in schools.

  3. Why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog.

  4. Fozzie:Β There was this sailor that was SO fat Sailor:Β How fat was he? Fozzie:Β He was so fat that everybody liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all.

  5. Why do movie stars have lots of fans?Because theirΒ hot.

  6. What do you get when you put chocolate pudding in your mother's shoes? You get a spanking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patient_zero84
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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So, my girlfriend and i were doing some role play.

I was Santa she was a naughty girl. 'Unfortunately you've been a naughty girl and you're on Santas naughty list and wont be receiving any presents this year.' 'oh no Santa i really want a present i'll do anything to get on your good list' 'oh i dont know if there is a way i'm afraid' you're just going to have to bend over my knee and take your spank now.' bare butt spanks occur 'Please Santa let me on your good list I'm begging you' 'Well come to think of it there is a Claus in the contract' .... Then realising the accidental Santa Claus pun I made I had to be sure she got it. 'Get it! CLAUS HHAHAHA CLAUS LIKE SANTA CLAUS HAHAHAHHAA' yeah she didnt find it as funny as me... No sex for me..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/p4nz3r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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Did you hear about the first guy to give a cold shoulder while crawling around in duct work?

It was quite the in vent shun.

Daddy deserves a spanking for that joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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future dad....

Seen on friend's Facebook page:

I was practicing counting with Jacob: Jacob: 1,2,3... Me: What comes after 3? Jacob: You get in trouble Lol!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bmooney28
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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While discussing how impossible it is to discipline a cat

"You know, I won the grand prize in a kitten spanking contest when I was younger."

(surrounded by "wait for it" faces)

"It was a cat-ass-trophy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fliclit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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Went to the zoo with my family today

We saw an animal called an aoudad (basically an African mountain goat) which we believed was pronounced "ow-dad". My dad starts chuckling and I ask him what was funny. He said "That's what you said after I spanked you when you were younger."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Moneyshot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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If you spank Dwayne Johnson...

You have really hit Rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrIncorporeal
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
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My sexual fantasies have slowly been getting more perverse...

It wasn't until i spanked a statue that i realised i had hit rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KindButthole
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
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