......having absolutely no idea whose child it is.
Heβs officially hit Rock bottom.
Capital punishment
I've really hit Rock bottom
I literally hit the rock bottom.
He was a cow-rear criminal.
And that was the moment his puns hit rock bottom.
"....Son....... I've just hit rock bottom."
Grand Pa: What does Mr. Potato Head and Cuba have in common?
Me:expecting the worstWhat's that.....
Grand Pa: They both have a dictator.
Clearly taken back, he said, "WHAT DID YOU SAY??"
I replied "I said 'I hope you can make it'"
Real talk, I do this all the time. What are some other similar phrases I can say to people!? :D
After our marriage, my sexual fetishes have grown slowly more perverse, but it wasn't until I spanked a statue in public that I realized I had hit rock bottom.
So me and my twin sis went with my dad to a family barbecue thing, dad was frying the meat with my 8 uncles. They were taking too long to prepare the meat, so I decided to say that I'm hungry and they are slow.
Every single one of my uncles and my dad proceeded to stare at me and
"HELLO HUNGRY, I'M NOT SLOW, I'M DAD".
So my daughter owns a toy monkey called Mimi.. It's her fave monkey of all time it goes everywhere.
Anyway Mimi was covered in flour from a days worth of mucking around with homemade play-dough.
As I'm putting her to bed I'm attempting to knock all the flour off Mimi before giving the monkey to her.
She got grumpy that I had Mimi and I said to her without thinking "Just wait a second Daddy needs to finish de-flouring Mimi... "
I'm just glad she doesn't understand that particular double-entendre
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Did I tell you the one about the man with the light bulb in his nose? He was lightheaded.
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Why are fish so smart? 'Cause they swim in schools.
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Why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog.
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Fozzie:Β There was this sailor that was SO fat Sailor:Β How fat was he? Fozzie:Β He was so fat that everybody liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all.
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Why do movie stars have lots of fans?Because theirΒ hot.
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What do you get when you put chocolate pudding in your mother's shoes? You get a spanking
I was Santa she was a naughty girl. 'Unfortunately you've been a naughty girl and you're on Santas naughty list and wont be receiving any presents this year.' 'oh no Santa i really want a present i'll do anything to get on your good list' 'oh i dont know if there is a way i'm afraid' you're just going to have to bend over my knee and take your spank now.' bare butt spanks occur 'Please Santa let me on your good list I'm begging you' 'Well come to think of it there is a Claus in the contract' .... Then realising the accidental Santa Claus pun I made I had to be sure she got it. 'Get it! CLAUS HHAHAHA CLAUS LIKE SANTA CLAUS HAHAHAHHAA' yeah she didnt find it as funny as me... No sex for me..
It was quite the in vent shun.
Daddy deserves a spanking for that joke.
Seen on friend's Facebook page:
I was practicing counting with Jacob: Jacob: 1,2,3... Me: What comes after 3? Jacob: You get in trouble Lol!
"You know, I won the grand prize in a kitten spanking contest when I was younger."
(surrounded by "wait for it" faces)
"It was a cat-ass-trophy."
We saw an animal called an aoudad (basically an African mountain goat) which we believed was pronounced "ow-dad". My dad starts chuckling and I ask him what was funny. He said "That's what you said after I spanked you when you were younger."
You have really hit Rock bottom.
It wasn't until i spanked a statue that i realised i had hit rock bottom.
