"Two men have been arrested under suspicion of drug smuggling," I told my fellow cop.

"Names?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied, "I presume they have names."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?

Because of his contra band...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Why did the inmate keep smuggling in Indian food for corrections officers?

He wanted to curry favor with the guards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mstrchapl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...

...they now call me Rogue Juan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megadoomclops
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his luggage caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It's being called the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoyoteTheFatal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
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Texas Prisoner Found Dead After Consuming Smuggled Fish Eggs

He died on Death Roe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Seeing Airport Security confiscate all of my smuggled sausages out of my luggage...

...Really was the Wurst Case Scenario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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This whole thread about a guy who smuggled eels is gold.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsarethekey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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So I tried to smuggle weed to saudi arabia...

... almost got stoned.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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What do you call cocaine that you smuggle in your ass?

Buttcrack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thasrait
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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My luggage got searched while I was trying to smuggle a load of sausages out of Germany...

It was the wurst case scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orlen86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Anybody ever smuggle drugs in their butt?

... Cause it sounds like a dope ass job.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
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People often ask me how I smuggle so much chocolate into the cinemas...

Well, I have a few Twix up my sleeve!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothepropellor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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What do you call a person who moves illegal contraband without using magic?

A smuggle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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The scientist (I'm sorry)

The scientist was arrested for smuggling hematite. He was caught red handed! If he wore gloves, he could have had a stainless steal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFuJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2013
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Why does TSA make you take off your jacket at airport security?

To stop arms smuggling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/727Super27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
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Saw a Pepsi van pulled over

I was driving with my girlfriend and saw a Pepsi delivery van get pulled over by two cops. My girlfriend wondered aloud why two cops were needed for a Pepsi van.

My response: "He's probably smuggling some Coke..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuegolatino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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At my office we have TVs that play the news all day

Walking past one of them I saw a headline that read: Delta employee charged with smuggling loaded guns onto passenger planes." I pointed it out to a co-worker and said "Oh man, I hope he doesn't get bail. He's obviously a flight risk."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeaShirt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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Did you hear about the drug lord's ghost on the news?

He'd been taking over people's bodies and making them smuggle crack across the border.

He's being charged with possession.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psychostudent
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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What does the Ministry of Magic call contraband being moved without the use of magic?

A Smuggle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ksloop
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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