My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"A TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 263
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone is going around smashing all of the shells at the beach. It’s unconchinable
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soliart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me because I wouldn’t stop singing β€œI’m a Believer” by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
The drummer in our band smashed his drums

re-percussions followed

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucky_Boss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
PornHub should call their intro music the "Smash-ional Anthem"
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Purpose-Fuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what a fight between Cloud Strife and Hero is Smash is called...

A square off!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad said if he see me browsing reddit again, he'll smash my head to the keyboard

I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..

They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AEvans1888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A donkey just smashed through my window!

What a pane in the ass!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said β€œWatch out...”

β€œ...cereal killer.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?

They call themselves Squished Squash!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally smashed a window recently.

It was a pane to replace.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlessedBigIron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is Anakin Skywalker's main in Smash Bros?

Ganondorf, because they both enjoy "killing young links".

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nitro4450
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What is red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clatuu1337
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.

It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to bring a smashed boomerang back to Walmart yesterday.

Fantastic returns policy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Police found a dead chickpea that was smashed

They ruled it out as hummuscide

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Corleone_Michael
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I smashed toes trying to kiss each other

I replied in agony nice toe meet you.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djv1018
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally made a joke about super smash bros

I didn't nintendoe do that

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinotayy
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens to the files in my Dell laptop when I smash it with a hammer?

They get Dell-eted

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sylveon10101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gay couple from Alabama?

Super Smash Bros.

πŸ‘︎ 456
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BX56_YT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Water....I love water....

Water's brilliant.

Water's fantastic.

Can't get enough water. Water's smashing...

....sorry I'm gushing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A rare smash bros pun imgur.com/MH3DGbt
πŸ‘︎ 813
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bcm980
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a narcoleptic male cow who likes to smash things up?

A bull dozer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It took me less than a second to smash a vinyl

Guess I broke the record

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyIsOnReddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.

Really brought a tier to my eye.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do crows go to get smashed?

A Crowbar

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shplurgle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meadsmeatmarket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an Asian friend who plays a lot of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

I'm surprised he didn't go for Super Smash Bros. Maylay.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Necropony1457
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My frosted glass windows smashed this afternoon

It's unclear what happened

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did anyone else hear about the guy who they caught smashing chickpeas?

12 counts of hummuside

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quillboy14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
You're no match for my smash skills
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sreksworb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy

They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LowInFat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she wanted to smash

Wasn't too happy when I pulled out my Switch

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/delo357
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Ad will close after Hulk smash
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smashed avocado that travels by foot?

Walk-a-moley

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bravetourists
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit

I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sup3rjaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Ryu tell Ken when he asked if he could borrow ten bucks?

"Shoryuken."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bricksnblasters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you smash two candy bars together?

You've got yourself a Portmanteaublerone!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matrim611
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I believe it's wrong for humans to selectively breed dogs until their faces are smashed flat and they can't breathe normally.

Hugs not pugs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wrethlig
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I dropped and smashed my disco ball today.

Now I've got 7000 years bad luck.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Ryu in Smash Bros.
πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Specktagon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.