The first launch being the iPatch
Otherwise you're an Oxi-moron.
He just stared at me and said nothing.
Homogeneous
It has like, 100 degrees.
It won't let her in.
Because they can't think on their feet
4 letters.... Old MacDonald had a (Blank)??
FARM exclaimed the Smart blonde, with an annoyed eye roll.
Um.... How do you spell that? Asked the silly blonde
Smart blonde with a deep sigh of annoyance replies ...E. I. E. I. O!!!!
It can find everything on the web (internet)
He's on a role.
They don't have any windows
Because they hang out with dummies all day
Algaebra
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡She was the cleverest of all the Sisters in the convent, but she didn’t realize it. She was Nun the Wiser.
He was chatting casually with my brother-in-law (they are neighbors) to say he was done with smart phones.
The older man was irate as AT&T was charging him extra fees because he was old!
My brother-in-law was astounded. He asked the older man what on earth he means by that. I mean, how could a company, this day in age, be so open about charging people extra fees in an ageist way...?
The older man shuffles into the next room and, after a few minutes of rifling around his stacks of papers, he brings back an invoice to my brother-in-law.
Waving it in his face, the older man says, "Look! Right here! It says right here 'Over Age' fee!"
Because they have a strong nervous system.
So, I bought a 'Dimmer' switch.
… Pennywise.
I was getting pretty frustrated, but the AI was always patient.
I asked "how come you're so patient and never getting angry at my mistakes?"
It replied "I'm a well tempered clavier."
Patina Turner.
They all get straight ehs
But owls are in co-hoots.
With magma cum laude.
They can find everything on the web.
Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!
He thinks he’s smart.
...then tell them, it's because they always listen to their mother-boards.
4 y/o: "Knock knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
4 y/o: "Interrupting cow goes"
Me: "Interrupting cow go-"
4 y/o: "MOOOOOOOO!"
But I thought it was uncalled for
Sting told me to stop bothering him.
Not sure, the guy never told me!
He was a cleaver guy
.....so I bought her nothing.
That pain in the 'S'.
