What's the favorite morning beverage of skeptics?

Scoffee!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaronWombat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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Ok acupuncture skeptics. You can say it’s fake. You can say it’s just a placebo. You can say it’s a scam. BUT...

You can’t say it’s pointless

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I was skeptical of the monkey pox scare

Then I saw their face, now I’m a believer https://imgur.com/a/84m3WsX

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Milsurpman
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2022
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I was originally skeptical when the scientist told me he had developed a process that could turn men into mice...

But his demonstration gave me paws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuddenHedgehogs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2022
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I don't know, I hear Germans' skepticism of nuclear power, but don't you think they are just...

Overreacting?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johan2016
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
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If groups of intelligent people working together to solve problems is called a Think Tank

would a group of anti-vaxxers working together be called a Skeptic Tank?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppardee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2022
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Why are all horses skeptical or cynical?

They're all neigh-sayers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charn22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2021
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Never trust an atom

They make up everything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2022
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Skeptic: This ninja star can never fit through that gap!

Ninja: Shuriken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wentzitcame
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Whenever I say anything to my horse, he denies it, refuses it, opposes it, or is skeptical or cynical about it.

He's a real neighsayer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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I was skeptical when someone told me that there is a land full of Jews

Turns out, Israel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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So whats the most skeptical country? NOOORWAAAY
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I told Mike Tyson about the hippo that's trained to use a toilet, but he seemed skeptical.

Keeps calling it a hippo potty myth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omnomnosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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A farmer was out in his orchard one day trying to figure out why his apples weren’t growing.

Just then a blind man appeared on a nearby path. The man asked the farmer what he was doing, and the farmer told him about his problem. The farmer told the man how he had tried everything, from singing to the trees, to shaking them, to blowing on them. The blind man thought for a minute and then instructed the farmer to try listening to the trees, because their song was not being heard. The farmer was skeptical, but figured he may as well try. He put his ear up to one of the small apples, and could barely hear the faintest song playing. He turned to ask the blind man how to hear it better but the man had disappeared.

Later that day the man told his wife, Andrea, all about what had happened. The wife was skeptical as well, but she told her husband to talk to their friend Jim the beet farmer, because he always had a healthy crop. The farmer obliged his wife and went and told Jim about his experience. Jim smiled, and he motioned for the farmer to come with him. The two walked to the middle of a field full of red beets. In the very center they found two golden beets. Jim told his friend to take the golden beets, and bury them into the soil near his orchard.

Night was approaching, but the farmer agreed to do what he was told. He thanked his friend and took the two beets to the center of his orchard, while his wife Andrea looked on. As he pushed them into the ground he started to hear the song of the trees. The song was a little louder, but still very quiet.

The farmer dug up the beets and began moving them to other spots. He soon noticed that as he buried them closer to his wife, the louder the song became and the apples actually started growing. The farmer, excited by his discover, ran over to his wife and stuck the beets into the soil at her feet. The apple orchard sung loudly and came to life with new growth. The farmer had the best crop he had ever had that year.

Moral of the story: If you want to listen to apple music, try plugging in your beets by β€˜Dre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spirit_desire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2022
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I’ll admit, I was skeptical at first when I got the coupon for a complimentary crimson bunk...

But I’ve always wanted to give Red Bed Redemption a shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditaccount314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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The inventor of Velcro was skeptical about the name at first

But after a while it stuck with him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrettyMuchIt530
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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When people were skeptical about Ben Franklin's invention of bi-focal glasses,

He said, "you'll see."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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We got an interior designer off of craigslist, we were skeptical of the outcome but he really knew how to pick the right worksurface for our kitchen

He was very counterintuitive.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Moses was known for being skeptical of God's words.

When God said unto Moses, "I am who I am." Moses said, "No way!" And God said unto him, "Yahweh!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/42aku
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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I'm going to open a Vietnamese restaurant that caters to the skeptic.

I think I'll name it But Pho Real.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BizzareCzar
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I was skeptical about psychic mediums...

So I ended up getting psychic larges instead.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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I found the only psychic that could communicate with dead animals. I was skeptical at first, but when she talked about my animals it felt as if she lived with them her entire life.

She was a rare medium well done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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What kind of glasses does an atheist wear?

Skepticals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loolabel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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Even though he extremely skeptical, the hunchback’s wife finally convinced him to see a surgeon to straighten his spine. When the operation was done, he came home and told his wife:

"I stand corrected."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomjim04
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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I'm always skeptical of artists drawing in the hood

It's so sketchy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerlerSwerft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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What do you get if a load of atheists fall in a cess pit?

A skeptic tank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2021
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I was 4 hours late to work.

I apologized to my boss and explained "I got a puncture on the way to work."

He looked skeptical. "Are you telling me it takes 4 hours to take your bike to the mechanic?!"

"What bike?" i wheezed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2021
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders the beer and dinner special. "Would you like to add on 10 free packs of Tic Tacs to your order today?" the bartender asks. "Free, really? Under what condition?" the guy skeptically asks. "Why, mint condition," the bartender replies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2021
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This gun club wouldn't let me in until I could ejaculate bullets.

I was skeptical at first, but eventually I came a round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"

The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."

The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.

The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"

The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.

The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"

The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.

The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"

The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with the Monkees.

I was skeptical at first, but then I saw her face...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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My eyeglasses are atheist.

They're skeptical spectacles.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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Before Coffee at the Office

Walking back from the kitchen at work with a snack I turn to my coworker and say:

"I like pears, which is why I'm bummed there was only 1"

"Ok dude", he waits for a moment and looks at me... "Was there a hidden joke in there?" He questions skeptically.

I smile at him and wait a moment. Realization dawns on his face and he curses and turns away trying not to show that he's laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WakeskaterX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
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A piece of string and his buddies go into a bar

A piece of string and his buddies go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says we don’t serve strings here, but they sit down anyway. The bartender walks over to the table and says either he can leave, or you all can leave, I don’t care, then the bartender walks away. The string says let me see if I can make this better, and he goes up to talk to the bartender with no success. And goes back to the table. He sits there for a minute thinking. The string then ties himself into a knot, and frays his end and then go back up to the bar to get drinks for the table. The bartender looks at him skeptically, and says” aren’t you that piece of string, and the string replies”no, I’m a frayed knot”

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Made my wife and kids cringe during a road trip.

Kids were discussing animals. Someone mentioned gnus (wildebeests), how they have horse tails and buffalo horns. I told them I'm not even sure if they are real or not. "Really? You don't know if gnus are real or not?" Says the oldest in a skeptic tone.

"That's right. I'm an agnustic."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuadLib
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2016
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Genetic Engineering...

Did you see the headline that Genetic Engineers are experimenting with odd combinations of animals in order to come up with new species? This article was talking about people trying to combine a bull with a possum.
While the scientific community is responding with skepticism, I think it's a possum-bull.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natebraun1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Nature program dad joked.

My dad, step mum and I were watching a nature program. The topic turned to a lake that contained the largest number of wild mussels in the country. Cue conversation:

Dad: "I went to a party there once."

-Skeptical silence-

Dad: "Yeah, I pulled a mussel".

I groaned, step mum rolled her eyes, refusing to acknowledge the joke while dad is cracking up at himself. It took him a good minute to compose himself.

(For those unfamiliar with the slang, in England "to pull" someone means scoring/picking someone up at a bar/club/party or whatever)

EDIT cant spell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxdrop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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What do you call a military vehicle that doesn't quite believe you?

A skeptic tank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
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Dad's allergic to Banana Pudding

Dad - What are you doing?
Son - Getting a bowl of Banana Pudding.
Dad - OH, I'm allergic to Banana Pudding.
Son - (EXTREME SKEPTICISM) What do you mean you're allergic?
Dad - I can't eat just one bowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klemorali
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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My Husband, the fact generator

Him: Do you know why they call it Popeyes Chicken? Me (skeptically): No. Him: Because if you have a chicken allergy, your eyes pop out of your head. eyeroll Happy Father's Day, Dads!!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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